Employee Performance Ratings....

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sun, 14 Apr 1996 00:17:58 +0100


Hiya folks...

Here's one from all the girls in my office...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA

        xx
-- 
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***                                   
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**********************ANDROMEDA**********************

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A GUIDE TO EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ABILITY
^^^^^^^

FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Leaps over buildings with a single bound.

EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Leaps over tall buildings after a running start.

MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Can only leap over buildings without spires.

NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:

        Crashes into buildings when attempting to jump.

BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:

        Cannot recognise buildings - much less jump them.

SPEED
^^^^^
FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Faster than light.

EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Faster than a bullet.

MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        As fast as a bullet.

NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:

        Would you believe a slow bullet?

BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:

        Wounds self with bullet when attempting to shoot.

PERSEVERANCE
^^^^^^^^^^^^

FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Stronger than an elephant.

EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Stronger than a bull.

MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        As strong as a bull.

NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:

        Thinks like a bull.

BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:

        Smells like a bull.

RESOURCEFULNESS
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Walks on water constantly.

EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Walks on water occasionally.

MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Washes with water.

NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:

        Drinks water.

BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:

        Passes water in emergencies.

COMMUNICATION
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

FAR EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Talks with God.

EXCEEDS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Talks with angels.

MEETS JOB REQUIREMENTS:

        Talks with himself.

NEEDS SOME IMPROVEMENT:

        Argues with himself.

BELOW MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:

        Loses arguments with himself.