The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Fri, 3 May 1996 00:18:32 +0100
Hiya People...
Here's a little something from Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
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Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people -- many of whom
use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we
hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also
breaking the law. To these brave men and women--ooops, "women and men"-
-we present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal
Hall of Shame." The following are their accounts...
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead
of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the
bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag
of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was
substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be
arrested immediately.
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western
movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who
wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drugstore, pulled a gun, announced
a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head -- and
realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the
process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from
where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through which
he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a
phone and dialed "911" for help ...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a
refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a
refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The
truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided
that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors,
etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the
pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck --
so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store
similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled -- leaving the $20 bill on
the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15.