The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sat, 4 May 1996 13:09:30 +0100
Hiya Guys and Gals...
Regarding the following...erm...no comment...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
--
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded message follows -------
You know you're an Internet addict when ...
... your connection goes down suddenly and when you try to reconnect,
you are unable to get a dial tone. Stumbling out into the front hall,
you discover under the pile of unopened mail two bills and three final
demands from British Telecom, the earliest dated six weeks ago.
... you get fired from your job, and all you can think is "At least I'll
be able to spend more time on-line now."
... an attractive single person of your preferred sex and orientation
asks you over to their place for supper and you try to persuade them to
meet you on IRC instead.
... they finally manage to convince you to leave the house, and you turn
up for the date with a bottle of cheap wine and a laptop with an
internal modem.
... you contemplate doing a bank-job so that you can buy a leased line,
but reject the idea on the grounds that if it goes wrong you probably
won't be able to get a terminal in your cell in Pentonville.
... you finally open the curtains and discover that the other side of
the street has been bulldozed and turned into a theme park, the local
posse have spray-painted a mural on the front of your house, and there's
been a rave in progress on your front lawn for the last week: "Now, when
did that happen?"
... the lettering on the keys 'n', 't', 'p', 'k', 'i' and 'c' on your
keyboard has been worn away to nothing, but that doesn't matter because
you can type 'nntp kick' with your eyes closed anyway.
... your phone bill is delivered by Parcelforce, and Securicor come
round to pick up the payment cheque.
... you're convinced that nothing ever happens on Saturday and Sunday
because they don't update the Electronic Telegraph during the weekends.
... someone asks you your name, and you have to connect to an X.500
server before you can tell them.
... you're filling out a warranty registration card and you can't
remember where you live, so you write down the URL of your home page
instead.
... you log off for four minutes to make yourself a cup of coffee and
British Telecom assume there must have been a fault on the line and send
round an engineer to fix it.
... you install two phone-lines and an extra serial card so that you can
'hot-swap' modems without losing your connection.
... you spend quarter of an hour thinking up stupid "You know you're
addicted when ..." jokes to post to your local newsgroup.