The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 21 May 1996 10:41:12 +0100
Hiya People...
Here's some more engineers, physicists, scientists and mathematicians
for you...these came via Chuck from his friend Letitia...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Engineer funnies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The graduate with a Science degree asks "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks "Do you want fries with
that?"
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Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street
cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other
side of the street.
First they see two people going into the house. Time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
The Biologist's conclusion: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it
will be empty again."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a
herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount
of fence.
The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts
the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence for
a given area, so this is the best solution."
The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius
around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd,
declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around the herd."
The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he
puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I define myself to
be on the outside!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to
be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing
happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention -- so
he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the
blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime - he is
set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks
up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your
problem......"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist went to the races one
Saturday and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the
race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I
measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical
advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."
The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual
variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous
performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of
winning..."
"...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But
before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and
they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a
man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his
secret.
"Well," he says, between puffs on the pipe, "first I assumed all the
horses were identical and spherical..."