The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 4 Jun 1996 11:31:22 +0100
Hiya Folks...
Here's a bit of a novelty...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
To My Dear Wife,
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I
have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed
often.
The sheets are clean...............54 times
It is too late.....................17 times
Too tired from shopping all day....49 times
It is too early....................20 times
It is too hot......................15 times
Pretending to be asleep............15 times
The neighbours will hear us.........3 times
Headache...........................22 times
Sunburn.............................7 times
Your Mother will hear us............9 times
Not in the mood....................43 times
You will wake the baby.............17 times
Watching the late show..............6 times
New Hairdo..........................5 times
Too sore...........................16 times
Wrong time of the month............36 times
Have to get up early...............19 times
Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because
2 times you just lay there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a
crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over
with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and
once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
______________________________________________________________________
To My Dear Husband,
I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the
real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.
Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat.........15 times
Did not come home at all..........................36 times
Did not come......................................21 times
Came too soon.....................................33 times
Went soft before you got it in....................33 times
Toes cramped......................................10 times
Working too late..................................38 times
Have to get up early to play golf.................29 times
Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls....2 times
Caught Herman in your zipper.......................4 times
Caught a cold and your nose kept running...........3 times
Burned your tongue on hot coffee...................3 times
You had a splinter in your finger..................2 times
Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book......16 times
Watching football on TV...........................98 times
Hemorrhoids flared up.............................10 times
Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because
you were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling.
The time you felt me move was because you farted, and I was trying to
breathe!!