The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 7 Jul 1996 13:14:06 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Is this from Alan...???...I can't quite remember...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
LEAD STORIES
* In April the Iowa Supreme Court turned down inmate Kirk Livingood's
attempt to sue Phillip Negrete based on the state's domestic abuse law.
Negrete is Livingood's cellmate and, according to Livingood, beats and
torments him. [Des Moines Register, 4-18-96]
* The New York Times, in a May story on the commercial usefulness of cow
parts, reported that not only are the gallstones exported (at $600 an
ounce to the Far East, as aphrodisiacs and jewelry), and hearts (27
cents a pound to Russia, for sausage), but so are cow lips (58 cents a
pound to Mexico, where they are shredded, spiced, and grilled for taco
fillings). [N. Y. Times, 5-5-96]
* In April, Ms. Gabriella Villa was finally discovered, dead of natural
causes, in Monza, Italy, approximately seven years after she died at age
47. She had passed away in her home, but neighbours and her estranged
husband had assumed that she had simply moved to another town. (Seven
years appears to be a new record for an undetected death in the home.)
[Northwest Florida Daily News, 5-1-96]
CAN'T POSSIBLY BE TRUE
* The Italian Justice Ministry admitted in March that a notorious
prisoner had escaped: Palestinian terrorist Youssef Magied al-Molqi,
34, who was convicted in 1986 for one of the most heinous crimes of the
decade--the Achille Lauro hijacking, during which he shot American Leon
Klinghoffer and pushed him overboard in his wheelchair. Al-Molqi was
free on a 12-day leave for good behavior and failed to return. [Dallas
Morning News, 3-3-96]
* In February in Elizabeth City, N. C., the first hearing was held in
former attorney Reginald Frazier's lawsuit against the state bar
association for disbarring and imprisoning him. Frazier's choice of
attorney to represent him was C. C. "Buddy" Malone of Durham, N. C.,
whose own license was recently suspended for five years by the state
bar. [Durham Herald-Sun, 2-7-96]
* Reuters news service reported in February that Brazilian farmer
Mariano Jose da Silva, of the northern town of Encanto, had caught his
wife with her lover in 1983 but that the two trysters had imprisoned him
ever since in a back room, feeding him sparingly, until he was freed by
inquiring relatives. Da Silva said he would not prosecute the two and
has "no hard feelings." [Bangkok Post-Reuters, 2-29-96]
* In March, The Sunday Oklahoman profiled Oklahoma City homemaker Mary
Clamser, 44, whose deterioration with multiple sclerosis had been
abruptly halted in 1994 when lightning struck her house while she was
grasping metal objects with each hand and wearing her metal leg brace
brought on by the disease. Suddenly, she began walking easily, and
though doctors told her the condition was probably only temporary, she
still walks easily today. As if that weren't enough good luck, Clamser,
in order to fly to California for a TV interview in April 1995, was
forced to cancel a local appointment she had made at the Oklahoma City
federal building for 9 a.m. on April 19. [The Sunday Oklahoman, 3-17-96]
IMPATIENT SPOUSES
* In a Calgary, Alberta, courtroom in April, business executive Earl
Joudrie testified that his wife Dorothy had shot him six times and then
ridiculed his failure to die immediately. After Earl, who was bleeding
badly, asked Dorothy to come sit by him, she replied, "Well, how long is
it going to take you to die?" and "You haven't changed your will, so
I'll get everything." Joudrie said that a few minutes later, Dorothy
changed her mind and called an ambulance. [Globe and Mail, 4-24-96]
* According to a 911 tape played at his preliminary hearing in Las
Vegas, Nev., in March, Roy Holloway called the emergency number because
he was frustrated at his inability to kill his wife. Said he, to the
operator, "I've tried to strangle her about four different ways. She
won't die." Asked the operator, Why are you trying to kill her?
"Because I don't like her," said Holloway on the tape. Why not just
divorce her? "Isn't it a lot easier just to kill her? But she won't
die. [G]od, she keeps breathing." [Las Vegas Sun, 3-20-96]
THE CONTINUING CRISIS
* Almost 600 delegates from 17 countries attended the first World
Conference on Auto-Urine Therapy ("auto" not meaning "automobile" but
rather "self-," as in "your own") was held in Goa, India, in February.
Adherents of the 5,000-year-old therapy claim that urine's hormones,
enzymes, vitamins, and minerals are so rich that urine can cure
illnesses such as tuberculosis and cancer. A widely recommended
treatment combines a glass of fresh urine a day along with body massages
using stale urine at least four days old. [Globe and Mail, 2-24-96]
* In February in Little Rock, Ark., Heather Sherrard threatened to file
a criminal complaint against KATV consumer reporter Dewayne Graham for
harassing her. After filing a TV report, with Sherrard's help, on how
to change the code on garage door openers, Graham allegedly went back
twice to Sherrard's house on his own and opened the door using the old
code. He then allegedly left a message on Sherrard's answering machine,
scolding the woman for not taking his professional consumer advice.
[Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, 2-16-96]
* In December, a Wall Street Journal report described the "Polish
method" for destroying the 48,000 tanks (that weigh up to 34 tons each)
left in Eastern Europe that must be turned to scrap under a 1990 treaty.
Since it is impractical to blow them up or to melt them, Poland
manufactures nine-ton balls, lifts them with hoists containing
electromagnets, and drops them onto the tanks, flattening them. Said an
American diplomat, after the process was described to him, "Wow, that
must be really satisfying." [Wall Street Journal, 12-26-95]
* In February, three Army recruiters in Leesburg, Fla., were jailed
after they trashed the adjacent Navy recruiting office with a crowbar,
injuring two Marines, because a female potential Army recruit had been
given a better deal by the Navy. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution-AP, 2-23-
96]
THE WEIRDO-AMERICAN COMMUNITY
* In April, the California Senate president revealed that Republican
Sen. Don Rogers, facing bankruptcy four years ago, filed a declaration
denying that he owed the $150,000 in federal taxes that the government
claimed. The reason, he wrote, was that he was not a "citizen" under the
14th amendment to the U. S. Constitution because that provision applies
only to former slaves; rather, Rogers said he possessed a "white man's
citizenship." This year, Rogers renounced the declaration, claiming he
had received bad tax advice. [San Jose Mercury News-AP, 4-24-96]
UPDATE
* In May, Minneapolis artist Judy Olausen's hardcover photographic
essay, Mother, finally hit the bookstores. Olausen's project made News
of the Weird in June 1993 as a work-in-progress, after she took her
initial photos, featuring her mother, then 70, portrayed as a series of
passive, subordinate characters. Included were her mother kneeling on
all fours with a pane of glass on her back ("Mother as Coffee Table")
and lying alongside a highway ("Mother as Road Kill"). Said Olausen in
1992, "My brothers think I'm torturing my mother," but actually, "I'm
immortalizing her." [U. S. News & World Report, 5-6-96; Advertising Age
Creativity (supplement), 7-6-92]