Star Trek Parody...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Fri, 16 Aug 1996 11:47:10 +0100


Hiya All...

Another example of why it's not good to be the extra in the red shirt...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

"Well, that's abooot it," said Scotty.  "We canna lift off until we lose
300 pounds."

"Well, let's see," said McCoy.  "That's about the weight of the sonic
dampener... or the spare thruster circuits...."

"Or two security guards," said Spock.  "I mean, two people. May I remind
you, Doctor, that I am in command."

"Surely you can't be talking about leaving two of us behind!" thundered
McCoy, raising his eyebrows.

Spock matched McCoy, eyebrow for eyebrow, raising his even an inch
higher than McCoy's.  "That is exactly what I am referring to. Every
piece of equipment is vital."

"But... but... how about the chairs?"

"These swivel chairs provide excellent rotation, Doctor. No,the choice
of who will be left behind will be a logical one."

"But surely... you wouldn't leave me or you behind," said McCoy.

Spock raised an eyebrow again.  "I said I would make a logical choice,
Doctor, not a stupid one."

"What about Scotty?"

Scotty suddenly perked his ears up.

"Obviously we need Mr. Scott to fix the circuitry."

Scotty heaved a sigh of relief.  It was a good thing he wasn't showing
his weight yet.

"What about me?" said a yeoman.  "I'm a trained tricorder operator.
Watch!"  

She turned on her tricorder, and a loud whine filled the room.  

"There's nothing in the area sir," she said, listening intently to the
whine.

McCoy murmurred, "That leaves...."

Spock raised his eyebrows yet again, looking to a corner of the
shuttlecraft where the red-shirted security contingent were huddled.
Everyone followed his gaze.

Spock addressed one of the security guards.  "Mr. Gittano, go to the
valley across the way, and... patrol."

"Me?" said Gittano.  "For how long?"

Spock curled his lip.  "I'll let you know."

One hour later....

"Spock!  Gittano's been hit!" said McCoy.  "By a large spear!"

"Indeed," said Spock.  

He turned to another security guard. "Mr. Lattimer, I noticed a large
primitive shield in the next valley over.  Go and retrieve it for me."

"That shield must be over forty feet wide and weigh hundreds of pounds,"
said Lattimer.

"Then I suggest you be suitably pumped up for the task," said Spock.  

After Lattimer left, Spock said, "Mr. Scott, we'll be ready to leave in
ten minutes."

Suddenly there was a scream.

"Make that five," said Spock.