The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 11 Nov 1996 15:56:43 +0000
Hiya Loonies...
Something else for the Trek folks...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
REASONS WHY CAPTAIN JANEWAY IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN PICARD
1. One word: hair
2. More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
3. Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
4. Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
5. Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
6. Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
7. Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
8. Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to
admit they're lost and pull over for directions.
9. Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her
way through.
10. Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
11. Looks better in sleepwear.
12. Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
13. Isn't French with an English accent.
15. Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering
experience.
16. Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying
to convince them to behave better.
17. To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly
way. Picard sings a song... in French... about a monk... who can't
wake up for morning bells.
18. The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
19. Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
20. She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her
way.
21. Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
22. Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead
of trying to weasel her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
23. 15 episodes without surrendering the ship.
24. 15 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
25. Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and
lungs. Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniuses who yet
again take over the ship.
26. She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she
stands.
27. Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in
Sherwood Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!
28. Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a
shirt; Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network
television.
30. Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to
blend in with a primitive planet.
31. She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms
in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
32. Her engineer does not wear a banana clip over her eyes.
33. Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
34. Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
35. Her telepath only lives nine years.
36. Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman)
has gone before" and took them to the extreme.
37. Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one
day come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them
with "the deadliest of force".
38. Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
39. The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that
only Worf could stomach.
40. Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set
off.
41. Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess
Leia.
42. Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy,
Paris, are YOU ever stupid."
44. Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
45. Has a more manly voice.
46. Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight
spot.
47. Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
48. Kes. Troi. No contest.
49. Nealix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
50. At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time
she wants something to drink.
51. Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
52. Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
53. Her CONN officer can use contractions.
54. Her first officer has a hallucinogenic device.
55. None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over
the ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all
humankind.