The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 4 Dec 1996 15:07:31 +0000
Hiya People... Here's some more news from Alan... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************* *****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- ROCK-A-BYE BABY: Robert Salazar says he was having sex with one of his employees on a balcony of a hotel in Industry, Calif., when she changed her position, lost her balance, and fell eight stories to her death. The employee, Sandra Orellana, a worker's compensation insurance specialist, was reportedly not getting along with her boss, and was considering filing sexual harassment charges against him, her family says. Police, suspicious of Salazar's story -- and noting he went to bed after the fall instead of calling for help -- arrested him for murder, but he was released later for lack of evidence. Salazar has returned to Houston to his wife and children, while police have been throwing a dummy off the balcony to help prove -- or disprove -- his story. (UPI) ...Meanwhile, only the victim was qualified to rule whether this would be covered under the company's worker's compensation policy. LIFE AFTER DEATH: Two hours into his funeral service, Talayi George Sogcwe sat up in his coffin. A miraculous recovery? No: he and his wife faked his death as a test. "I simply wanted to know what people would say about me when I am dead," he said later. The 65-year-old Zwide, South Africa, man is happy about the outcome. "I am satisfied they spoke the truth about me and not lies, as is often the case when a person is dead." Sogcwe said he would keep the coffin for his real funeral. (Reuter) ...Which may be held sooner than he thinks. FICKLE FINGER OF FATE: Police in National City, Calif., say Victor Arreola stopped a van and tried to carjack it. That's when the driver, still sitting in his seat and fearing for his wife and three children inside, slammed the door so hard that it severed Arreola's middle finger. Officers caught up with him at a local hospital, where they asked him to identify the detached digit. "Yeah, that's my finger," Arreola said. An officer replied, "You're under arrest for carjacking." Arreola thought about that for a minute, and said, "That's not my finger." Meanwhile, a Japanese man has confessed that he staged his own kidnaping. Toru Adojima, 39, who was being investigated in a fraud case, disappeared two months ago. His wife received a ransom note -- and Adojima's little finger. Police found him in a Tokyo hotel after learning he had gone to a hospital for pain medication -- he could no longer take the ache in his hand from the amputation. Police said Adojima admitted cutting off his own finger and sending it as "proof" of his kidnap, adding he got the idea from a movie. (Reuter, UPI) ...Good thing he wasn't watching The Addams Family. CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL: Linda Russell recently called the University of Oregon and confessed: 34 years ago, she cheated on a final exam. The university has decided not to revoke the professional therapist's degree, but she must write an essay on the importance of academic integrity and how "corrosive" dishonesty can be. Also, Fyona Campbell, who at age 16 set out on an journey to walk around the world, which took her from 1983 to 1994, has admitted she rode in a support truck for part of her crossing of the United States. "I shouldn't be remembered as the first woman to walk around the world when I cheated. I broke the unwritten rule of the Guinness Book of Records," she said. (AP, Reuter) ..."The problems of victory are more agreeable than the problems of defeat, but they are no less difficult." -- Winston Churchill (1874-1965) CONFESSIONS II: Tridentine Bishop Michael Cox of County Offaly, Ireland, has come up with a way to minister and to help pay for restorations at his church: a "healing and confession line". For one pound a minute, callers can choose to talk to the Bishop, connect with a "healing line", or say their confessions. "There is a genuine need for a service like this, especially for people who are housebound or living in isolated areas," Fr. Cox said. However, a spokesman at the Vatican didn't think so. "Anyone who believes that by participating in this form of confession is having a valid sacrament is mistaken. Personal encounter is part of the sacrament of confession by definition," he said. (Reuter) ...To confess to lying, press 1. To confess to adultery, press 2. To confess to.... FORBIDDEN FRUIT: To recreate the moment when a falling apple gave Isaac Newton the idea of gravity and, subsequently, his three laws of motion, the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology and Japan's Construction Ministry's Public Works Research Institute had to work well in advance. Starting with a plan in 1992, the team was able to procure a sapling from the Newton tree, which was brought to the Arai, Niigata Prefecture in Summer, 1995. As it finally bore its first apple, a video camera was set up to catch it falling to the ground. However, the video didn't capture the recreated moment of epiphany -- instead, it shows a man walking by the tree, spotting the apple, picking it, and eating it. (UPI) ...At which point, one of the scientists asked the man to put the apple on his head for a recreation of the William Tell story. UNDERCOVER: "End of Cold War Does Little to Reduce Trench Coat Sales" -- Christian Science Monitor headline Copyright 1996 by Randy Cassingham