The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 1 Jan 1997 20:16:05 +0000
Hiya Folks...
Here are some things not to say on a date...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
DATING DONT'S - VOL II
* Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted?
* For the longest time I lived with a hairdresser named Brice, but
then I had this sudden relapse of heterosexuality.
* When we get back to my apartment, whatever you do, don't tease the
pony.
* You know, if my wife wasn't so hung up on this faithfulness thing,
she'd probably say you were my cutest girlfriend yet.
* You can trust me, I'm a lawyer.
* I had to break up with my last girlfriend. She welded a coat-
hanger to the metal plate in her head and was using it as an
antenna to read my thoughts.
* No, really, I read Playboy for the articles.
* My most painful memory? Hmmm... That would have to be when those
three guys cornered me in the showers in prison.
* Who can blame Woody Allen?
* I've been studying this new age stuff with a guy who channels Ed
Sullivan. Last week I channeled Topo Gigio and told him where he
could stick it.
* After our last date, when I got home I had this aching in the pit
of my stomach. I thought it was because I missed you, but it
turned out to be food poisoning.
* I'm not free Sunday. I'm going to help OJ look for the real
killer.
* If I was a woman, I'd have Rush Limbaugh's baby.
* I guess in retrospect that "Clay Messiah: Parallels Between Jesus
and Gumby" wasn't the best title for a doctoral thesis.
* How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil
refinery? The fumes give you a really cool buzz.
* Now I'm just speaking hypothetically here, but let's say you were
at some guy's house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human
head. Would you call the cops?
* I was thinking tonight we'd go to a French restaurant. Have you
ever been to Jacques En Ze Box?
* I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't get into med
school, so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby. I even have my
own stirrups.
November 21, 1996 ISSUE
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved