The Loony Bin ( )
Wed, 1 Jan 1997 20:16:05 +0000

Hiya Folks...

Here are some things not to say on a date...

Wishes & Dreams...


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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

                     DATING DONT'S - VOL II

*  Your sister's a real knock-out.  Is one of you adopted?

*  For the longest time I lived with a hairdresser named Brice, but 
   then I had this sudden relapse of heterosexuality.

*  When we get back to my apartment, whatever you do, don't tease the 

*  You know, if my wife wasn't so hung up on this faithfulness thing, 
   she'd probably say you were my cutest girlfriend yet.

*  You can trust me, I'm a lawyer.

*  I had to break up with my last girlfriend.  She welded a coat-
   hanger to the metal plate in her head and was using it as an 
   antenna to read my thoughts.

*  No, really, I read Playboy for the articles.

*  My most painful memory?  Hmmm... That would have to be when those 
   three guys cornered me in the showers in prison.

*  Who can blame Woody Allen?

*  I've been studying this new age stuff with a guy who channels Ed 
   Sullivan.  Last week I channeled Topo Gigio and told him where he
   could stick it.

*  After our last date, when I got home I had this aching in the pit 
   of my stomach.  I thought it was because I missed you, but it 
   turned out to be food poisoning.

*  I'm not free Sunday.  I'm going to help OJ look for the real 

*  If I was a woman, I'd have Rush Limbaugh's baby.

*  I guess in retrospect that "Clay Messiah: Parallels Between Jesus 
   and Gumby" wasn't the best title for a doctoral thesis.

*  How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil 
   refinery?  The fumes give you a really cool buzz.

*  Now I'm just speaking hypothetically here, but let's say you were 
   at some guy's house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human 
   head.  Would you call the cops?

*  I was thinking tonight we'd go to a French restaurant.  Have you 
   ever been to Jacques En Ze Box?

*  I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't get into med 
   school, so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby.  I even have my
   own stirrups.

                        November 21, 1996 ISSUE
          Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved