The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 10 Feb 1997 16:37:32 +0000
Hiya People... Apologies for various delays. I am very busy at the moment. It is now easier to send out the Loony Mail in chunks, so I hope you will bear with me. This one has come from Dale... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Have you ever been confronted with "Canadians are just like Americans. What's the difference?" Here are *some* answers. This is not a put-down of Americans, Brits, Aussies or Canadians (no French); just a series of observations. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box. Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans. Canadians: Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball. Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby. Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English". Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English". Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans. Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country. Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer. Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer. Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss. Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect. Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things. Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Canadians: Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways, and avoid assimilation. Americans: Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly, and dump their old ways. Brits: Encourage immigrants to go to Canada or America. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters, and are proud of it. Brits: Endure oppressively wet & dreary winters, and are proud of it. Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less. Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious. Canadians: Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy, Martin Short, Lorne Michaels (SNL producer), Jim Carrey, Michael O'Donohue (SNL writer), the Kids in the Hall, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV. Americans: Think that these people are American! Brits: Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them because they don't understand subtle humour. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Brits: Are obsessed with the Queen, and royal family peccadilloes. Americans: Are obsessed with the President, his family, and even their cat! Canadians: Would gladly settle for Prince Charles having an affair with a Canadian girl. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens. Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens. Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian. ---------------------------------------------------------------------