National Differences...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Mon, 10 Feb 1997 16:37:32 +0000


Hiya People...

Apologies for various delays. I am very busy at the moment. It is now
easier to send out the Loony Mail in chunks, so I hope you will bear
with me. This one has come from Dale...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Have you ever been confronted with "Canadians are just like Americans.
What's the difference?" Here are *some* answers. This is not a put-down
of Americans, Brits, Aussies or Canadians (no French); just a series of 
observations.

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Aussies:   Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when 
           abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits:     Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

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Aussies:   Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits:     Believe that you should look out for those people who belong 
           to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of 
           themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

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Aussies:   Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to 
           the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be 
           bothered to sing them.
Brits:     Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform 
           the anthem.

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Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American   
           channels.
Brits:     Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

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Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box.
Brits:     Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other 
           fans.
Canadians: Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them.

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Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and 
           basketball.
Brits:     Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, 
           hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing 
           baseball.

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Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits:     Pronounce their words differently, but still call it 
           "English".
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies:   Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say 
           in an attempt to get laid.

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Brits:     Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an
           island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor 
           in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor 
           in a backwards country.

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Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits:     Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies:   Drink anything with alcohol in it.

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Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits:     Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are 
           inherited things.
Aussies:   Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

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Canadians: Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways, and avoid 
           assimilation.
Americans: Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly, and dump their 
           old ways.
Brits:     Encourage immigrants to go to Canada or America.

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Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters, and are proud of it.
Brits:     Endure oppressively wet & dreary winters, and are proud of 
           it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies:   Don't understand what inclement weather means.

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Aussies:   Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy,  Martin 
           Short, Lorne Michaels (SNL producer), Jim Carrey,  Michael  
           O'Donohue (SNL writer), the Kids in the Hall, Dan Akroyd, and 
           all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!
Brits:     Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them 
           because they don't understand subtle humour.

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Brits:     Are obsessed with the Queen, and royal family peccadilloes.
Americans: Are obsessed with the President, his family, and even their 
           cat!
Canadians: Would gladly settle for Prince Charles having an affair  with 
           a Canadian girl.

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Brits:     Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their 
           past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present 
           citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once 
           Canadian.

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