The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 22 May 1997 00:22:04 +0100
Hiya All...
We've had many Barbies before, but now for the first time we introduce
Hacker Barbie...courtesy of Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
(LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
"Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of
these dolls is to revert the stereotype that women are numerophobic,
computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own
xterminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell"
series. The Barbie is robed in a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of
worn-out jeans with a Casio all-purpose watch and thick glasses that can
set ants on fire. Pocket protectors and HP calculators optional.
The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without
blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 12 hours
straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as "IP
address," "TCP/IP," "kernel," "NP-complete," and "Alpha AXP's."
"We are very excited about this product," said John Olson, Marketing
Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will offset the damage
incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." A year ago, Mattel released Barbie
dolls that say, "Math is hard," with condescending companions Ken. The
Hacker Barbie's Ken is an incompetent consultant who frequently asks
Barbie for help.
The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of Barbie
dolls. Naomi Wuuf says, "I believe that these new dolls will finally
terminate the notion that women are inherently inferior when it comes to
mathematics and the sciences. However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical
superiority would simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the
masses." Mattel made no comment.
Parents, however, are worried that they would become technologically
behind by comparison to the children when the Hacker Barbie comes out.
"My daughter Jenny plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie over yonder
for two days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of Oxford, Mississippi, "and as
y'all know, she now pays my credit card bill. Ain't got no idea how she
duz it, but she surely duz it. I jus don't wanna be looked upon as a
dumb mama." Mattel will be offering free training courses for those
who purchase the Hacker Barbie.
The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal with
the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail" will teach
computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARB1E R1TES L1KE BIFF!!!" will
serve as an introduction to expository writing.