True Stories...???

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 25 Jun 1997 22:12:42 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here are some tales which may be fact or fiction...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

A woman, worried about crime, started to carry a hand-gun. 

Five months after she'd begun carrying her gun she came out to her car
in a dark parking lot and found it occupied by four men. 

She ordered them out. They refused to move; she pulled her gun. 

Instantly four doors popped open and the occupants fled into the night.

Then, as she started to load her groceries into the car, she noticed
another car of the same make, model, and color - parked three spots
away.

And the end of the story is : Yes, it was hers.

+------------------------------------------------------------+

A ferry is cutting through the Thames river in London. There are only
two people standing on deck; a well dressed Englishman and a cockney
lady.

Suddenly, there is a strong breeze that lifts the lady's gown revealing
her. The gentleman is obviously embarrassed and to divert to an
acceptable topic says, " Airy, isn't it?"

The lady retorts : "Well, what do ya hexpect ??  Hostrich feathers??!!"

+------------------------------------------------------------+

One day a city dweller decided to take a ride in the country. He hopped
into his fancy, imported sportscar, zipped out along the big highway for
a while, then, got off and drove along a very rural dirt road in the
middle of farm country.

After a while, he came across a farmer who was out in the fields,
driving a tractor. Funny thing was, the farmer didn't seem to be wearing
any pants.

"Hey farmer, how come you're not wearing any pants?"

"Well, city boy,  th' other day I went out a-workin' in the fields, an'
I plum fergot t' wear mah shirt. Got back to th' house that night, and
mah neck was stiffer than a oak-wood board.  Now... this here's mah
wife's idea."

+------------------------------------------------------------+

A professor had been lecturing on the doppler effect to a really, really
dead class.  Finally, in sheer exasperation, he pointed to the equations
on the board, to be more precise, at the (speed.of.sound-
speed.of.object) in the denominator and said: 

"This particular portion of the equation shows where the sonic boom
comes from.  As the speed of the object approaches the speed of sound in
air, this part slowly goes to zero.  Finally, when the object hits the
speed of sound, a division by zero error occurs, reality rips, and all
of the air in the surrounding area pours out into the 4th dimension."

The class took notes....