The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 26 Aug 1997 23:13:37 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Here's a tale of a goalkeeper...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he hears a woman
screaming and detects a faint smell of burning in the air. He runs
down the street and around a corner and sees a huge group of people
standing watching a blazing building. On the tenth floor of the building
a woman, clutching a bundle to her chest, is leaning out of a window
screaming for someone to save her baby.
The man steps forward and calls up to the woman, "Throw down your baby
and I'll catch it!"
"No! No!" the woman shouts back. "You might miss or drop my baby and
she'll be killed!"
"No I won't!" shouts the man. "I am Alec Maguire. I'm the goalkeeper for
Ireland's national football [soccer] team. I've never missed a match in
ten years and in all that time I have never let the ball into my net."
"What? Not once?" calls the woman.
"No!" shouts back the man. "Not once. Every football player in the world
agrees that I am the best goalkeeper there has ever been".
And with that he adopts the classic goalkeepers stance - legs apart and
slightly bent at the knees, body slightly bent forward at the waist and
with his arms stretched downwards at a slight angle away from his body,
with palms facing forward.
"OK!" screams the woman. "I'll trust you. I've no choice! Here she
comes!"
So, with the flames roaring all around her, the woman throws the baby
from the window. However, the edge of the baby's shawl catches on the
woman's watch with the result that the child goes spinning off to one
side, tumbling head over heels and with her little arms and legs
flailing. The woman screams and the crowd gasps, all sure that the baby
will perish because she will fall out of reach of the man.
The man remains motionless as the child descends, spinning and tumbling
further and further away from him as she comes. Then when the baby is
only feet from hitting the ground the man dives a full 30 feet across
the pavement [sidewalk], catches the baby in his outstretched right
hand, pulls her in towards his chest and shields her body with his left
hand and arm. He hits the ground heavily on his right side and lies
motionless on the pavement for a few seconds. Then, slowly, he raises
himself to his feet and turns to face the crowd and everyone sees that
the child is alive.
The crowd is awe-struck. Then the crowd erupts with cheers and the
woman, still in danger herself, nearly faints with relief. The man,
still clutching the child to his chest in his right arm, waves to the
crowd of onlookers to acknowledge their appreciation. Then, slowly and
gracefully, he turns away from them, bounces the baby twice on the
ground, and kicks her 60 yards down the road.