The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 16 Sep 1997 09:45:28 -0400 (EDT)
Hiya Loonies...
It's Microsoft again...from Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Microsoft Template
----------------------
MICROSOFT ANNOUNCES <insert new M$ application name>
REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In an effort to <insert M$'s lame idea about
what user's need>, Microsoft announced today that <insert M$'s lame
answer to lame idea>.
"<Dumb quote from a M$ employee about how user's will 'benefit' from
this new M$ application>" said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested
to remain anonymous.
Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision, calling it "bold
and innovative!" "This new <insert new M$ application name> will
free Windows users from <some bug or missing feature which is M$'s
fault in the first place>. It also gives Windows a new feeling of
<something that would make anyone using any other OS fall asleep>",
said a member of Ziff-Davis Publishing's Editorial Staff. "This is
precisely why <insert competing software application's name> is
failing in the marketplace -- they have failed to deliver a <enter
quality that only a Business Major turned computer journalist could
dream up>."
When asked when <insert new M$ application name> would be available,
a Microsoft spokesperson said "<insert convoluted quote that convinces
the user that the application will be released soon or even yesterday,
but doesn't commit to any specific date>" The spokesperson also added,
"It really doesn't matter since <insert new M$ application name> is
destined to be the most <insert glorified praise for non-existent
application and be sure to mention how it will be 'powerful' and
'dominate' the world software market>."
Market and industry analysts quickly agreed adding that "<insert new
M$ application name> has already revolutionized the industry."
A spokesperson from <insert competing software vendor's name>
disagreed however. "Microsoft is still trying to sell products that
don't exist. <insert competing software vendor's name> has been
shipping <insert competing product that is unheard of thanks to mass
sucking of Bill The Gates's genitals by the public (and Joan L. Brewer)>
since <insert date from pre-history (see Jurassic Park for examples)>.
<insert new M$ application name> or whatever it's called, still
relies on DOS's <insert stupid part of stupid DOS operating system>
and is not a true <insert latest computer jive for "modern">." He
added that "users who think that <insert new M$ application name>
will have no problems will be in for a surprise."
Most users seem to remain unconvinced however. "<insert new M$
application name> will <insert a nonsense list of things anyone using
any other OS has been using since the ENIAC> and it won't have any
bugs or compatibility problems because it's from Microsoft. Why should
I buy <insert competing software application's name> which is less
than perfect when <insert new M$ application name> is right around
the corner?"
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