The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Fri, 21 Nov 1997 11:54:09 -0700 (MST)
Hiya People...
Here comes the Beer and Ice Cream diet, followed by a comment from one
of its readers...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Beer and Ice Cream Diet
As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree
centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat
a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the
natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature
during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only
available source, your body fat.
For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg.
F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37
degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process
takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert
portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of
thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms)
are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is
normalized.
Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie
loss is approximately 5,000 calories.
Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat,the better off you are and
the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.
This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in
frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but
extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the
temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce
of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to
calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted
from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.
Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it
takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an
additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The
results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down.
Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer,
pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature)
induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader
should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot
of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice
cream.
We could all be thin if we were to adhere religiously to a pizza,
beer, and ice cream diet.
Happy eating!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RESPONSE:
NOTE FROM ORACLE: One other thing to note for those of you pigging out
to lose weight, a dietary calorie is equal to a kilocalorie in physics.
Better luck next time. Instead, try this suggestion from Barry
Ritholtz.
I enjoyed reading the piece you submitted to the Oracle humor list (Beer
and Ice Cream Diet)
Although it has been nearly 20 years since my college physics and
thermodynamics courses, your diet neglects to account for several
factors, thus reducing its effectiveness.
Ice cream, for example, is loaded with both sugar and fat--two sources
of dietary calories. Served at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg.F), it will
rise to room temperature 28.1 deg.C (72 deg.F) with no consumption of
calories or loss of body fat.
Additionally, consider the results of inserting a 6 oz (168 grams) mass,
at a temperature of 0 degrees C (32.2 deg.F), inside of a 200 lb or
91,200 gram object (the size of an average American male body) which is
at a temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F).
Anytime two objects of differing temperatures come in contact, the two
objects relative amount of thermodynamic energy (heat) will seek an
equilibrium based on the objects relative temperature and mass to each
other.
The ambient temperature of the larger mass will be reduced in proportion
to the temperature difference AND THE MASS of the smaller object. Since
the dessert is approximately 0.001875% (less than 2 tenths of one
percent) of the mass of the body, any caloric loss due to the
temperature differential will be negligible.
But the underlying premise of loss of body fat through temperature
differentials of consumed food is valid. Its just that your scale is
off.
Consider the following: A 200 pound man consuming his body weight in
water which is at a temperature just above freezing will be required to
generate significant amount of heat in order to maintain his body
temperature at 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F).
But drinking all that liquid would be time-consuming, and involve
frequenttrips to the bathroom. Instead, consider inserting the man--as
the smaller mass--into a larger mass of just above freezing water.
As the body struggles to maintain its temperature at or near 37 degrees
C (98.6 deg. F), there will be a significant consumption of calories.
Since the human body's internal systems can only function in a certain
temperature range, care must be taken to remove the person from the vat
of freezing water before system failure and death occur due to
hypothermia.
Perhaps a regimen of dunking the dieter into the vat of frigid water for
three minutes at a time every fifteen minutes. Remember, if you give the
dunkee a towel or blanket after extraction from water, you will be
defeating the purpose of forcing the body to raise its own temperature
back to normal, thereby consuming body fat as a source of energy.
The extreme temperatures will cause a great deal of discomfort and pain,
so a strong opium derivative will be necessary so the dieter can endure
the ordeal. Alternatively, earplugs will be required for the "dietician"
supervising the procedure.
Just one man's opinion,
Barry L. Ritholtz
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