The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 18 Jun 1998 22:30:04 +0100
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Hiya Folks...
Another message from a friendly list:
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So how true are some of those popularly held beliefs...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Popular Beliefs: There are many popular beliefs rooted in
familiar expressions and sayings that simply are not true.
EVERYTHING COMES IN THREES: Not true. In reality, everything
comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it
seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval
times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-
sixes. They were wrong, too. It just took them longer to
recognize the pattern.
YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU (When you die): Well....., that
depends on what it is. If it's your dark blue suit, you can
certainly take it with you. In fact, not only can you take it
with you, you can probably put some things in your pockets.
YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY: Actually, you learn
something old every day. Just because you've just learned it
doesn't mean it's new. Other people already knew it, Columbus is
a good example of this.
THE SKY'S THE LIMIT: Well, how can the sky be the limit? The sky
never ends. What kind of a limit is that? The earth is the
limit.
You dig a hole and what do you keep getting? More earth. The
earth is the limit.
YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR: Clearly this is not true. Have you
been shopping recently? Only a very naive person would believe
that you get what you pay for. In point of fact, if you check
your purchases carefully, you'll find that you get whatever they
feel like giving you. And if corporations get any more powerful,
you soon might not even get that.
TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY: Not true. Today is another day. We have
no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be
another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the
first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it will be
today again.
NICE GUYS FINISH LAST: Not true. Studies have shown that, on
average, nice guys finish third in a field of six. Actually,
short guys finish last. By the way, in medieval times it was
widely believed that nice guys finished twenty-sixth. You can
see how limited those people were.
IF YOU'VE SEEN ONE, YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL: Do we even have to
talk about this one? This should be obvious. If you've seen one,
you've seen ... one. If you've seen them all, *then* you've seen
them all.
I don't even understand how this one got started.
THOSE WERE THE DAYS: No. Those were the nights! Think back.
Weren't the nights better? Days you had to work. Nights you went
to parties, danced, drank and got laid. "Those were the nights!"
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH: What about when you eat
at home? I don't pay when I eat lunch at home - it's FREE!
Sometimes I'll leave a tip, but basically, it's a free lunch.
Yes, I know we had to buy the food at the store. But as the Zen
Buddhists say, 'The Food Is Not the Lunch'.
YOU PAYS YOUR MONEY, AND YOU TAKES YOUR CHANCES: I think what I
said earlier still applies: You pays your money and you takes
whatever they jolly well give you. Actually, when you get right
down to it, you pays your money and you loses your money.
EVERYBODY HAS HIS PRICE: Not so. Would you believe there are
millions of people who do not have their price? Thanks to a
government mix-up, many people have their neighbors price.
THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM LIKE THEY USED TO: Actually they do make 'em
like they used to, they just don't sell 'em anymore. They make
'em, and then they keep 'em.
TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT: Well, it just so happens that two
wrongs do make a right. Not only that, but as the number of
wrongs increases, the whole thing goes up exponentially. So that
while two wrongs make one right, and four wrongs make two
rights, it actually takes sixteen wrongs to make three rights,
and 256 wrongs to make four rights. It seems to me that anyone
who is stringing together 256 wrongs needs counselling, not
mathematics.
IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S ANOTHER: No, not always. Sometimes
if it's not one thing, not only is it not another, but it turns
out to be something else entirely.
YOU CAN'T WIN THEM ALL: Not true. Believe it or not, there is a
man somewhere in Illinois who, so far, has won them all. But
don't get too excited; it has also been discovered that it is
possible to lose them all. By the way, there is no record of
anyone having tied them all.
YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS: That depends on how intimately you
know the other person. Maybe you can't have it both ways at
once, but if you've got a little time, you can probably have it
six or seven ways.
THINGS HAVE TO GET BETTER, THEY CAN'T GET ANY WORSE: This is an
example of truly faulty logic. Just because things can't get any
worse, is no reason to believe they have to get better. They
might just stay the same. And, by the way, who says things can't
get any worse? For many people, things get worse and worse and
worse and worse.
NOBODY EVER SAID THAT LIFE WAS FAIR: I specifically remember as
I was growing up, at least twelve different people, telling me
life was fair. One person put it this way; "Life, you will find,
is fair."
Oddly enough, all twelve of those people died before the age of
twenty-seven.
IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO: Sounds good, but simple reasoning will
reveal that actually it takes only one to tango. It does take
two to tango together, maybe. But one person is certainly
capable of tangoing on his own. He just might look a little
silly.
THERE'S A SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE, AND TWO TO TAKE HIM: This
may have been true in the past, but now, if you adjust for the
increased population base, birth control, and the so-called
moral decline, not only are there five suckers born every
minute, there are now fifty-three to take him.
WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT YOU: Why don't we just ask Abe
Lincoln and John F. Kennedy about this one?
LIFE IS SHORT: Sorry. Life is not short, it's just that
everything else lasts so long - mountains, rivers, stars,
planets - life seems short. Actually life lasts just the right
amount of time. Until you die. Death on the other hand....is
very, very short.
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