The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 30 Jul 1998 13:23:07 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
---------------------------- Sponsor Message ----------------------------
ListBot
Get your own free mailing list!
Discussion lists and moderated lists now supported.
http://www.listbot.com/
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hiya Folks...
Many countries have a written exam for new drivers...here's the
California version...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*******************************************************
*******************************************************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.com ***
*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Subject: California Driver's Exam
Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in L.A., you
may not have realized that the California Department of Motor
Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test
solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:______________ Stage name: ________________
Agent: ______________
Attorney: __________________
Sex: male ___ female ___
formerly male ___ formerly female ___ both ___
If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely
operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
Occupation:
*[ ] Lawyer
*[ ] Actor/Waiter
*[ ] Film-maker/Self-employed
*[ ] Writer
*[ ] Car Dealer
*[ ] Panhandler
*[ ] Agent
*[ ] Hooker/Transvestite
*[ ] Other; please explain: ______________
Please indicate how many times you expect to have sex in a
car:______
Please indicate how much you plan to spend for this sex:
$_______
Please list:
Brand of cell phone: __________. (If you don't own a cell
phone, please explain.)
Please check haircolor:
*Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
*Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
*Men: Please list shade of hairplugs:______________
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all
that apply)
*[ ] Eating a wrap
*[ ] Applying make-up
*[ ] Talking on the phone
*[ ] Slapping kids in the backseat
*[ ] Having sex
*[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
*[ ] Tanning
*[ ] Snorting cocaine
*[ ] Watching TV
*[ ] Reading Variety
*[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, and
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving.
If you are the victim of a car-jacking, should you immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime;
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car
on the news on a high-speed chase;
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
company for 911 call not going through;
d) Call your therapist;
e) None of the above (South Central resident).
Please indicate if you drive:
a) a Beamer,
b) a Lexus,
c) a Mercedes, or
d) Cabriolet. If your answer is D, please add six to eight weeks
to normal delivery time for your driver's license.
In the event of an earthquake, should you:
a) stop your car,
b) keep driving and hope for the best,
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones, or
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4?
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) never drive over 5 MPH,
b) drive twice as fast as usual, or
c) you're not sure what "rain" is.
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications:
a) Prozac;
b) Zovirax;
c) Lithium;>
d) Xanax.
e) If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour;
b) 2 hours;
c) 3 hours;
d) 4 hours or more.
When stopped by police, should you
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form
ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405,
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
This message was sent via ListBot. To remove yourself
from this list, please visit http://www.listbot.com/remove.html
Get a free mailing list for your web site @ http://listbot.com/
-----------------------------------------------------------------