The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Mon, 7 Sep 1998 11:26:29 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
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Hiya People...
Here's the last part of Alan's thoughts for the day...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.com ***
*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Please remain calm. It's no use both of us being hysterical at
the same time.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
There has been an alarming increase in the number of things I
know nothing about.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
It's good to know that, if I behave strangely enough, society
will take full responsibilty for me.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
I'm sorry for not communicating but sometimes it's very hard to
write on a moving planet.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it
work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want
mustard with that?"
One sign of an impending nervous breakdown is the belief that
one's work is terribly important.
SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical reasons*
why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain
now and then.
- John Woods
Faith is the illogical belief in the occurrence of the
improbable.
- H.L. Mencken
I will not do it as a hack, I will not do it on a Mac, I will
not do it on week-ends, I will not do it for my friends.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
Always.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street bald and still think they are beautiful.
If two lawyers were drowning and you had to choose, would you go
to lunch or to a movie?
Windows 95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16
bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded
for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company,
that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- John Benfield
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women...
- Law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who
could not vote
I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you.
Improper planning on your part does not constitute an emergency
on mine
I did not take this long to evolve to the top of the food chain
just to be a vegetarian.
What have you got if you've got 20 lawyers up to their necks in
sand? Not enough sand.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an
airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or
some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry
Some days, it just doesn't seem worthwile to gnaw through the
straps.
- Emo Philips
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown
too?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up
with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald
men?
No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American
public.
- H.L. Mencken
No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what
it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either.
- Marvin Minsky
For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing
they like.
- Abraham Lincoln
A leopard never changes his stripes.
- Al Gore
Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
- Carl Zwanzig
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when
you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in
what's left of your unit.
- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine,
the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
Ben Franklin was a little stout later in life and it was said
that in Paris a young woman, tapping him on his protruding
abdomen, said, "Dr. Franklin, if this were on a woman, we'd know
what to think."
And Franklin replied,"Half an hour ago, Mademoiselle, it was on
a woman, and now what do you think?"
- From the Humes File
Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am
doing.
- Werner von Braun
The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like
the past, only far more expensive.
- John Sladek
How can there be self-help "groups"?
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one
way.
- Mark Twain
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the
things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney
The difference between man and animals is that we don't use our
tongue to clean our genitalia.
- Rimmer (from Red Dwarf)
Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherf***ers.
If you can't beat them, join them. Then beat them.
There it was, hidden in alphabetical order.
- Rita Holt
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to
all other countries simply because you were born in it.
- George Bernard Shaw
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a
conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to
the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
- Bill Vaughan
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- W. Somerset Maugham
I think I've got the hang of it now
:w :q :wq ZZ :wq! ^d ^D ^C quit exit X Q :!QUIT
bye CtrlAltDel ~~q :~q logout save/quit zz ZZ ZZZZ
^H ^@ ^L ^E ^X ^I ^T ? help
helpquit helpexit ?Quit ?q ?x ZZ bye
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