The Internet... (part 2)

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Tue, 3 Nov 1998 15:42:33 +0000


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya Folks...

More questions and answers on the Internet...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***              loonies@bloodaxe.com               ***
***      Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/      ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


                            THE INTERNET


Q. Aside from chatting, what else can I do on the Internet?
A. You can join one of the thousands of forums wherein people,
by posting messages, discuss political topics of the day.

Q. Like what?
A. Barry Manilow.

Q. There's a forum for Barry Manilow?
A. There's a forum for everything.

Q. What happens on these forums?
A. Well, on the Barry Manilow forum, for example, fans post
messages about how much they love Barry Manilow, and other fans
respond by posting messages about how much they love Barry
Manilow, too. And then sometimes the forum is invaded by people
posting messages about how much they hate Barry Manilow, which
in turn leads to angry counter messages and vicious name-calling
that can go on for months.

Q. Just like junior high school!
A. But even more pointless.

Q. Are there forums about sex?
A. Zillions of them.

Q. What do people talk about on those?
A. Barry Manilow.

Q. No, really.
A. OK, they talk about sex, but it is not all titillating. Often
you'll find highly scientific discussions that expand the
frontiers of human understanding.

Q. It is a beautiful thing, the Internet.
A. It is.

Q. What is the "World Wide Web"?
A. The World Wide Web is the multimedia version of the Internet,
where you can get not only text but also pictures and sounds on
a semifinalist range of topics. This information is stored on
"Web pages," which are maintained by companies, institutions,
and individuals. Using special software, you can navigate to
these pages and read, look at, or listen to all kinds of cool
stuff.

Q. Wow!  How can I get on the Web?
A. It's easy! Suppose you're interested in buying a boat from an
Australian company that has a Web page featuring pictures and
specifications of its various models. All you have to do is fire
up your World Wide Web software and type in the company's Web
page address, which will probably be an intuitive, easy-to-
remember string of characters like this:
http://wwwfweemer-twirple.com/heppledork/sockitomesockitome
             /fee.fle/fo/fum.html

Q. What if I type one single character wrong?
A. You will launch U.S. nuclear missiles against Norway.

Q. Ah.
A. But assuming you type in the correct address, you merely
press Enter, and there you are!

Q. Where?
A. Sitting in front of your computer waiting for something to
happen. It could take weeks. Entire new continents can emerge
from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on
your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet
does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed
of the Department of Motor Vehicles. It might be quicker for you
to just go over to Australia and look at the boats in person.

Q. Does that mean that the World Wide Web is useless?
A. Heck no! If you're willing to be patient, you'll find that
you can utilize the vast resources of the Web to waste time in
ways that you never before dreamed possible.

Q. For example?
A. For example, recently I was messing around with a "Web
browser," which is a kind of software that lets you search all
of cyberspace - millions of documents for references to a
specific word or group of words.  You can find pretty much
everything that anybody has ever written on the Internet about
that topic; it's an incredibly powerful research tool.

Q. That is truly beautiful.
A. Yes. And it's just one teensy little piece, one
infinitesimally tiny fraction, of the gigantic, pulsating,
mutating, multiplying mass of stuff out there on the Internet.
Sooner or later, everything is going to be on there somewhere.
You should be on there, too. Don't be afraid! Be like the bold
explorer Christopher Columbus, (E-mail address: 
ChrisCol@nina,pinta&santamaria.ahoy) setting out into uncharted
waters, fearful of what you might encounter, but also mindful of
the old inspirational maritime saying: "If you don't leave the
land, then you'll probably never have a chance to get scurvy and
develop anemia, spongy gums, and bleeding from the mucous
membranes." So come on!  Join me and millions of others on this
exciting CyberFrontier,with its limitless possibilities for the
enhancement of knowledge and the betterment of the human race!



Originally from the JokeMaster Funnies
Collective copyright 1998 JokeMaster


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