The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Sat, 20 Mar 1999 03:23:20 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Loonies...
Some of these are old, but there are enough new ones to be worth another
look...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers:
* Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
* Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
* Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights.
She's used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
* The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
* This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of
the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
* Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
giving milk will please come early.
* This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.
* The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies
will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
* Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should
come forward and do so.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
* Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
* The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
* The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the
Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we
request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
* The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the
church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.
* The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
* Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
* Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing
for the girth of their first child.
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please include this information if you forward this joke:
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