Classified Ads...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Tue, 30 Mar 1999 03:10:02 +0100


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya Loonies...

People really do say some strange things in classified adverts...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


ACTUAL NEWSPAPER ADS FROM SAUDI ARABIA

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

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AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

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FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

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BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

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SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.

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HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

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GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.

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HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

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GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED

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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

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AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED  $100

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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?  WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND
FLEXIBLE HOURS.  STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

---------------------------------------------

NOTICE:
TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR
SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE:  PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.  PUMPKIN
MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.

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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:  QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.

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OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!  MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER -  $300.

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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

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GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

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GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

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BAR S SLICED BALOGNA REGULAR OR TASTY SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2

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OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.


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