The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 8 Apr 1999 03:45:14 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya All...
More quotes containing words of wisdom...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet."
-Robin Williams
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-Billy Crystal
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this
look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've of thought of
that!"
-Dave Barry
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are
just grateful."
-Jay Leno
"I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't
know if I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want
it."
-Bill Cosby
"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is
that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention
to women's breasts?"
-Jay Leno
"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle
maintenance."
-Tim Allen
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines.
They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the
general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy
over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
-Elayne Boosler
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?
-Jay Leno
AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills
through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of
saying, "The check's in the mail," people are going to say, "Hey, I
wanted to pay, but I couldn't find the remote."
-Jay Leno
"You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to
start all over again."
-Joan Rivers
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every
day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in
the morning: We're government workers!"
-Jay Leno
"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a
plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across
that floor. I told him he was grounded."
-Tim Allen
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she
said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."
-Gary Shandling
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
like and give her a house."
-Lewis Grizzard
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the
end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
-Jeff Foxworthy
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