The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.com
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Thu, 8 Apr 1999 22:54:20 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ Hiya All... Dan Quayle isn't the only one who can put his foot in it... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* *** *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- AL GORE QUOTES Justice at long last; after so many years of "Quayle quotes" both real and fictional circulating the net as if all were gospel truth, here's a list of Gore-isms. ------------------- Since his 1992 election, Mr. Al Gore, our vaunted vice president, Harvard graduate, and Father of the Internet, has: 1. Told reporters, "We all know a leopard cannot change his stripes." 2. Asked "who are these people?" to a guide at Monticello showing busts of Thomas Jefferson and John Adams. 3. Said Milwaukee's ethnic melting pot shows America "can be e pluribus unum - out of one, many." The correct phrase is "out of many, one." 4. Claimed he and Tipper were the model for "Love Story," an assertion author Erich Segal said was untrue. 5. Labeled his perceived enemies as possessing an "extra chromosome," a remark that infuriated the families of people with Down's syndrome, which is caused by an extra chromosome. 6. Recited an emotional story before the 1996 Democratic Convention of how he had dedicated his life to fighting the tobacco industry after his sister died of cancer. But failed to mention that while his sister vainly fought the disease brought on by tobacco, the family farm collected government tobacco subsidies; and in the 1988 campaign, four years after his sister's death, he extolled his role in raising tobacco on the family's Tennessee farm. "I've hoed it. I've dug in it. I've prayed it. I've chopped it. I've shredded it ... and sold it," he told tobacco farmers. 7. Claimed parity with Senator Bob Kerry, saying both were "Vietnam Veterans." In Vietnam, LT Kerry led a team of elite SEAL commandos and was awarded the nations highest honor, the Medal of Honor. Al Gore, despite his excellent education, passed up the chance to be a leader and instead snoozed his way through Vietnam as an enlisted journalism specialist. He was well behind in the rear, away from the shooting during his entire tour of duty. The few soldiers who where there and actually remember the undistinguished buck private, recall that he generally whiled his way through Vietnam smoking thai sticks in Saigon tea rooms reading anti-war poetry. This was not exactly characteristic of SEAL commandos. 8. Claimed Bill Clinton is "the greatest president of the 20th century." 9. Claimed to have founded the Internet, though the Internet's creation is generally credited to Defense Department-funded programs in 1969, when Mr. Gore, self-proclaimed "Father of the Internet", was 21. 10. And Vice President Al Gore's latest exaggerated claims - that as a boy he slopped hogs and drove mules, and that before his election to Congress at the age of 28, he cleared the land with a double-bladed axe and built homesteads. Reaction from RNC Chair Jim Nicholson - "You'd think a guy who could raise tobacco, slop hogs, build homes, invent the Internet and inspire a best-selling novel and movie - all by the time he was 28 - could afford to give more than $353 a year to charity," and, Nicholson's note on Gore's boast that he'd cleaned out hog waste with a shovel and a hose, "Mr. Vice President, with all due respect, you're shoveling a lot more of it right now than you ever did back then." Please include this information if you forward this joke: ********************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ********************************************************* ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com Start Your Own FREE Email List at http://www.listbot.com/