Men again...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Tue, 29 Jun 1999 01:43:31 +0100


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya Folks...

Here's another look at men again...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Why do men become smarter during sex?
Because they're plugged into a genius...

Men are like...Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the
table.
Men are like...Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like...Bike Helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they
just look silly.
Men are like...Government Bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like...Parking Spots. The good ones are taken and the rest are
too small.
Men are like...Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about
it.
Men are like...Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like...Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't
generate much interest.
Men are like...High Heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang
of it.
Men are like...Curling Irons. They're always hot and they're always in
your hair.
Men are like...Mini Skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your
legs.
Men are like...Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like...Department stores. Their clothes should always be half
off.
Men are like...Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like...Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough
memory.
Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them
anywhere.
Men are like...Chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head
right for your hips.
Men are like...Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up
all night long.
Men are like...Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are
usually wrong.
Men are like...Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware
store or the bathroom.
Men are like...Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like...Parking spots. The good ones are already taken and what's
left is handicapped.
Men are like...Snowstorms. You never know when he's coming, how many
inches you'll get, or how long he will last.

What should you give a man who has everything?  
A woman to show him how to work it.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?  
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?  
The same urge that make dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?  
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the
time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 
Breasts don't have eyes.

How do you save a man from drowning? 
Take your foot off his head.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?  
We don't know, it's never happened.

Why are men like tile floors?  
If you lay 'em properly the first time you can walk all over 'em for
years.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.          

Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and
good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends


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