The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Tue, 29 Jun 1999 13:07:32 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Loonies...
Here's a new software product that no man should be without...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
*** ***
*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
*** ***
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
"FEMAIL: A NEW PRODUCT TO REPLACE E-MAIL!"
Product Announcement:
Introducing FeMail!
This new product will reduce your communications needs considerably. Its
intuitive interactions will often leave you scratching your head in
wonder. From your minimal communications with this package, it will
quickly presume who your friends are (and even what their habits are),
who you should be communicating with in order to advance your career,
and let you know continually whether you are communicating effectively
with the FeMail itself.
You may find that FeMail reduces your unnecessary communications with
friends and associates. Your FeMail will intercept incoming
communications from all sources and make a determination as to whether
or not they should be relayed to you. The FeMail is especially thorough
when examining messages from other FeMail systems. These messages will
be examined for intent as well as content.
Messages that are received from other Mails will be scanned for
intention by your FeMail. Any messages that will reduce your
productivity at home or at the office (invitations to bars or parties,
where the FeMail may lose contact with you for more than two hours for
example) will be delivered to you only after they can no longer be acted
upon. A true productivity increase is then possible, and your FeMail
will even help your decide how to use this spare time to attend to
maintenance issues.
In fact, you may find that the FeMail methods are far beyond your
comprehension. Often times the FeMail responses you receive will be 180
degrees different than the direction you thought you were heading. In
every case though, you will be compelled to agree with the decisions
that your FeMail makes. Most areas where a FeMail is installed find that
agreeing with the FeMail is easier than attempting to justify opposing
logic.
The FeMail package includes modules for Cognitive Interpretation,
Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendoes (even some you may not realise),
Inflection, and Encryption. (The encryption package is particularly
effective, allowing other mails absolutely no chance of interpreting
interchanges between two FeMails).
You will find yourself becoming dependent on the interactions that a
FeMail makes possible. Once the FeMail begins working in your daily
activities, you may find yourself changing certain actions to avoid
conflicting with the FeMail suggestions.
The FeMail is extremely comprehensive, and provides only for a single
user interface in most cases. The instructions included with your FeMail
indicates that it may interact openly with other Mails in a
conversational mode, but that you should never interact with someone
else's FeMail, even in a conversational mode, and most certainly not in
an interactive mode. The FeMail communications links have demonstrated
an ability to intuit these actions even if you believe your FeMail would
be unaware of the interaction. Continued interaction with FeMails that
are not your own will be considered a security violation, and you may
find yourself cut off from interaction with your own FeMail.
Because of the complexity and high-level of interface required, there
are certain times (based roughly on a lunar month) when your FeMail
system may behave erratically. During this particular cycle, your
interactions with the FeMail should be monitored closely, and offensive
or interpretative language removed. The FeMail may misinterpret even
simple communications efforts during this short time. This is an
unavoidable problem that the FeMail has endured since its inception, and
we are still attempting to overcome this minor glitch.
Should a misinterpretation occur, your FeMail will store the data
indefinitely, and only recall the misinterpretation when it can loosely
associate it with other facts not necessarily related to the
communications process. You will find these recollections and
associations puzzling, but they all contribute to the operation of the
FeMail system.
Obtain FeMail today, and you will be surprised at the changes it will
make in your life!!!!
Please include this information if you forward this joke:
*********************************************************
This joke and others like it, can be found in:
The Loony Bin
http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
*********************************************************
______________________________________________________________________
To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com
MSN Messenger Service lets you stay in touch instantly with
your family & friends - Visit http://messenger.msn.com