British Ministry of Defense . .

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Thu, 14 Oct 1999 05:20:58 +0100


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya People...

Another bizarre list seeking your attention:


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Daily Crap

You're invited, but your friend can't come. OK, they can, but the only
way to get my warped outlook is to subscribe to the Daily Crap. So if
you want to get some of the most outrageous things the web has to offer
send a blank e-mail to: thedailycrap-subscribe@egroups.com
I just hope your friend doesn't embarrass you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Now lets take a look at the British MOD's new voicemail service...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Answering machine at the British Ministry of Defense...


The following was found circulating in the MoD's internal mail:

British Army official voicemail message

Thank you for calling the British Army. I am sorry, but all our units
are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please press '1' to
leave a message, with your country, name of organisation, region,
details of the specific crisis, and a number where we can reach you.  

As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Northern Ireland, the
Millennium Bug, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and
compulsory Equal Opportunities training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone. For other services, please listen to the
following options:

If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press '2' for the Royal
Marines.

If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and
can be solved by one or two low risk bombing runs, please press '3' for
the Royal Air Force. Please note that this service is not available
after 1630 hours or at weekends.

If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of
grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please
write, well in advance, to The First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, Whitehall,
London.

If your enquiry is not urgent, please press '4' for the Allied Rapid
Reaction Corps.

Only if you are in real, hot trouble, then press '5' and your call will
be routed to Sandline International.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at,
paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a
condemned hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your
butt off daily, risking your life in all weathers and terrains, both day
and night, whilst watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and
conditions of service, then please stay on the line. Your call will
shortly be taken by a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty
shop by the railway station.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the
British Army.


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