North Meets South...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Mon, 11 Sep 2000 15:39:40 +0100


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya Loonies...

Here's one for those of you in the States...things the Northerners need
to know if they ever visit the South...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Northerners visiting the South
Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving
to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you
adapt to the difference in life styles:

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-
wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be
along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This
is what they live for.

2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at this store.

3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All
y'alls'" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

5. You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is
short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying
"No!"

6. Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying; they
can't understand you, either.

7. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'", as in "big ol'
truck" or "big ol' boy". Most Northerners begin their new Southern-
influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

8. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

9. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim "Hey, y'all, watch this", stay out
of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

11. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You
just have to go there.

12. When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the
road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and
that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.


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