The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Sat, 22 Sep 01 05:26:06 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
One of the Loonies is a foreign exchange student from America in France,
who wrote this to his French teacher...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
dear Mr. Phillips,
here a few phrases that i think you should teach French students which
would be entirely more useful than 'look, there's the roof of the
mayor's office...why yes, it is'
----------------------------
No thank you. I had salmon pizza with lemons for breakfast.
What would happen if I put this thingy in this thingy?
What happens if I push this button?
I realise that I may not want to know the answer to this, but what is
that man doing?
Please, stop feeding me.
Look, mister, talking louder doesn't help me understand French any
better. Allow me to demonstrate. "ICH BIN EIN BERLINER!!!!" are you now
qualified to get a job as a newsanchor in Germany? I think not.
uhm... Excuse me, but do I have to eat the potato chips with a fork too?
Whoa. Trippy.
Yes. I know that's what I said.
Please stop attempting to speak English. a. i am here to learn French.
b. everyone complains that Americans refuse to learn a second language.
Telling me 'i go the beach' twelve times is really only going to set
civilisation back. c. you sound like you have a herring stuck up your
nose.
Hmm. That is what I said... But possibly... Not what I meant.
Is this coffee designed to make you fly or is that just a side effect?
Thank you. I know how a...
--clothesline
--shower
--toilet
--cd player
--door
--muffin
works. we have them in Iowa too. Lots of them. in fact, you could even
say I'm kind of an expert at -- opening doors, closing doors. I've been
doing it since I was (waves hand at about knee level) so high.
no. i have never been ambushed by Indians. well, there was this one time
at this seedy Indian place in cliff that my friend Kyle mccord took me
to, and there was this guy who must have been at least 90 and he was
wearing a turban and some kind of dress, and when we went to get our
food he just sat there and watched us, and then when we went to leave,
there he was, standing in the parking lot, staring at us with this goofy
kind of grin, like he _so_ enjoyed seeing young lovers come to his
establishment (Kyle and i aren't by the way, there is no hanky-panky
going on with us). i said 'hi' and i got in his Geo tracker very very
fast and then locked the door behind me. So I guess you could say that I
was _almost_ ambushed by Indians, well, one Indian, but if you're
thinking of the kind with the bows and arrows, I'm afraid I'm going to
have to say no.
Yes, I know that I am American, and thank you for your concern, but I
would _not_ rather have a bowl of corn flakes and a Coca-Cola than this
freshly baked croissant and homemade blackcurrant jam and nutella and
chocolate coffee and 2% milk and cream and sugar and baguette toast and
sugar and real butter and earl grey tea and sugar. Tell you what. _you_
have corn flakes for breakfast today, and I will start with this
croissant.
No! I do not want to have a second portion. Or a third. or a fourth or
fifth. I am not being polite here. I truly and sincerely have eaten
enough. No, really. I mean it... Please, no... OK, Jean-Gilbert. I will
take another slice.
They're trying to fatten me up. Maybe they're planning on eating me
later.
Speaking more clearly helps. Speaking more slowly helps to a point.
Elongating all of the vowels just makes you sound like you're speaking
English in slow motion.
Thank you for your concern. Please leave me alone now.
---------------------------------------
Then, you can teach them less useful things, things like: bonjour, ca
va? Oui, ca va. et toi? ca va bien. merci.
au revoir
maye
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