The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 20 May 1996 11:58:46 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Here's a bit of something from Marvin...anybody want to apply...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
APPLICATION TO LIVE IN MISSISSIPPI
NAME: _________________________ C.B. HANDLE: ____________________
ADDRESS: (R.F.D. - H.C.R.) _______________________________________
DADDY (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects): ___________________
MAMA: ____________________________________________________________
NECK SHADE: ( ) LIGHT RED ( ) MEDIUM RED ( ) DARK RED
NUMBER OF TEETH EXPOSED IN FULL GRIN: ___ UPPER: ____ LOWER: ____
MAKE OF PICKUP OWNED: ________________ SIZE OF TIRES: ___________
NUMBER OF EMPTY BEER CANS ON FLOOR OF PICKUP: ____________________
TRUCK EQUIPPED WITH:
( ) GUN RACK ( ) MUD FLAPS ( ) CAMPER TOP
( ) AIR HORN ( ) 8 TRACK ( ) 4 WHEEL DRIVE
( ) AMERICAN FLAG ( ) RUST ( ) FUZZ BUSTER
( ) LOAD OF WOOD ( ) HIJACK SHOCKS ( ) MUD TIRES
( ) SPITTOON ( ) RUNNING BOARDS ( ) C.B. ANTENNAS
( ) ROLL BAR
BUMPER STICKERS:
( ) HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY ( ) HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS
( ) ALMOST HEAVEN, BUCKSPORT ( ) SNATCH KISSES AND VICE VERSA
( ) OLD FART ( ) I LOVE HONEY WINE
( ) SHIT HAPPENS ( ) REDMAN CHEWING TOBACCO
( ) WOOD IS WONDERFUL ( ) SAVE THE BLACK FLY
( ) DON'T LIKE MY DRIVING? CALL 1-800-EAT-SHIT
( ) ALL YOU ECOLOGICAL BASTARDS CAN FREEZE IN THE DARK
FAVORITE BEVERAGE:
( ) BUSCH ( ) STAG ( ) OLD STYLE
( ) FALSTAFF ( ) BUCKHORN ( ) RED WHITE & BLUE
( ) BUDWEISER ( ) OLD MILWAUKEE
FAVORITE VOCALIST:
( ) ELVIS ( ) CONWAY TWITTY ( ) LORETTA LYNN
( ) SLIM WHITMAN ( ) JOHNNY CASH ( ) WILLIE NELSON
( ) DICK CURTIS ( ) GEORGE JONES ( ) YOURSELF IN THE SHOWER
FAVORITE RECREATION:
( ) SQUARE DANCING ( ) COON HUNTING ( ) FISHING WITH THE BOYS
( ) DRINKING ( ) BLUE GRASS FEST ( ) FISHING ALONE
( ) RACE TRACK ( ) FLOATING ( ) DEER HUNTING
( ) APPLE BUTTER FEST ( ) THREE WHEELING ( ) RODEO
HOW MANY CARS DO YOU HAVE UP ON BLOCKS IN YOUR FRONT YARD? ________
HOW MANY KITCHEN APPLIANCES ARE ON YOUR FRONT PORCH? ____
HOW MANY WORK? ____
NUMBER OF HOUNDS: ____ TYPE: ( ) BLUE TICK ( ) BEAGLE ( ) BLACK/TAN
MEMBERSHIPS:
( ) NRA ( ) VFW ( ) PTL CLUB
( ) DUCKS UNLIMITED ( ) FISH & GAME CLUB ( ) KKK
( ) WACKY WARRIORS ( ) ELKS
BASEBALL CAP EMBLEM:
( ) JOHN DEERE ( ) FORD ( ) SKOAL
( ) CAT ( ) BUDWEISER ( ) CHEVY
( ) BASS PRO ( ) EAT ME
ARE YOU MARRIED TO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING? (Check all that apply)
( ) SISTER ( ) COUSIN ( ) COUSIN'S SISTER ( ) SOW
DOES YOUR WIFE WEIGHT MORE THAN YOUR PICKUP? ( ) YES ( ) NO
DO YOU WEAR MOSTLY POLYESTER PANTS WITH SNAGS? ( ) YES ( ) NO
DO YOU OWN ANY SHOES (NOT COUNTING BOOTS)? IF SO, HOW MANY? ______
LENGTH OF RIGHT LEG: ____________ LENGTH OF LEFT LEG: _____________
CAN YOU SIGN YOUR NAME AND SPELL IT CORRECTLY EVERY TIME?
( ) YES ( ) NO
HAVE YOU EVER HAD MORE THAN ONE BATH A WEEK? ( ) YES ( ) NO
ARE YOU A REGISTERED VOTER? _____ DO YOU KNOW WHERE TO DO IT? _____
DO YOU WONDER IF YOU NEED TO FILE A TAX RETURN? ( ) YES ( ) NO
DO YOU WORRY THAT YOUR HOUSE COULD BLOW AWAY IN HIGH WINDS?
( ) YES ( ) NO
WHEN WAS YOUR LAST UFO SIGHTING? ________ ELVIS SIGHTING? _________
MEDICAL INFORMATION (DO YOU HAVE AT LEAST TWO OF THE FOLLOWING?):
( ) B.O. ( ) CRABS ( ) HEAD LICE
( ) BAD BREATH ( ) SCABIES ( ) YELLOW TEETH
( ) GREEN TEETH ( ) FLEAS ( ) RUNNY NOSE
( ) TATTOOS ( ) CROSSED EYES ( ) STUTTER
SIGNATURE (ONE `X' WILL DO) ____________________ DATED: _________