Completions...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 3 Jul 1996 05:42:03 +0100


Hiya People...

Some unusual completions to common sayings...these come from Pete...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

COMPLETIONS
===========


It's always darkest.....
        .... at the roots.

An Englishman's home is ...
        ...in negative equity.
        ... usually heavily mortgaged.

If you ever want the time...
        ...ask someone.

Always pick up a dog by the...
        ...handle.

Many hands make....
        ...a tasty, nourishing winter stew.

Still waters......
        ...grow foetid.

You can lead a horse to water but ...
        ...Yorkshire Water will still impose a hosepipe ban.

A penny saved is...
        ...ridiculous.

Beware of Greeks bearing....
        ...body hair.
        ...275 and closing.

90% of everything is ...
        ...a lot!

Remember Remember.....
        ... oops!  I forgot.

Barking dogs seldom...
        ...bonk.
        ...associate with Hackney dogs.

Never put off until tomorrow ...
        ...the things you did yesterday.

If all the world was paper.....
        ...how the hell could you recycle it?

Barking dogs...
        ...are owned by Essex girls.

There are lies, damned lies, and ...
        ...marriage vows, but don't tell the missus.

Don't count your chickens...
        ...using a strimmer

A horse! A horse!....
        ...and large fries. To go, please.

Never kick a man when he's...
        ...handing you #5
        ...been drinking Nitroglycerin

I tawt I Taw a......
        ...thief fteal my falsh teef.

One swallow doesn't make ..
        ...most people choke!

Is it a bird?  Is it a plane?  No!  It's...
        ....oop, not sure, could it be? errr, might be, nope, it wasn't.

Faster Than A Speeding.....
        ...snail.
        ...Member of Parliment.
        ...Lester Piggot.

Early to bed and Early to rise makes you...
        ... bad tempered with sore bloodshot eyes.

Let he who hath no sin ...
        ... Rule New Labour with a Rod of Iron.

A stitch in time saves...
        ...you from having to call the Doctor.

If a job's worth doing...
        ...make sure you get paid for it.

Live long and....
        ...get a bus pass.

We shall fight them...
        ...If we want to.

The sound yellow makes is...
        ...similar to one hand clapping.

Get down, deeper and down...
        ...as the actress said to the bishop.

My mother said I never should...
        ...but she was always a spoil sport anyway.

If you can't beat them...
        ...what's the point in being a sadist?
        ...buy a new whip

More power than a.........
        ...super charged Reliant Robin.
        ...class 03 shunter.

Bring on the empty...
        ...life.  Ooops, sorry, already got loads of those here.

Uhhhh, hmmm, I cuddda bin a ....
        ...lumberjack.

More sticky than...
        ...that fiver which never gets out of your wallet.

The pen is mightier than...
        ...a 386 running Windows

Marry in haste...
        ...repent in Bognor Regis

If three men can dig one hole in four days ...
        ...are they a)  Lazy?  b)  wimps?  or c)  stupid?

We are all in the gutter, but...
        ...three of us are digging a hole.

Never give a sucker....
        ...a boiled sweet

You can fool some of the people all of the time ...
        ... and this includes most Spanish goalkeepers.  ;-)

E = ...
        ...hazy memories of a field in Hampshire

Join the Navy and ...
        ...drown.

It's I'm Sorry I Haven't A...
        ...Life.

When in doubt...
        ...thump it one with a blunt fridge.

A-Wap Bap alooba a...
        ...or a hot pastrami on rye, please.

Have a nice ...
        ... time with that man holding a chainsaw.

Death is but a...
        ...Hobby for a good necrphile.

Look Ma! No...
        ... virus checker @#@!@###@@@
                NO CARRIER

exit ...
        ...Missing operating system

There's nothing safer than ...
        ... backing England against Scotland.

You can never find a policeman when...
        ...he's been hidden.

He who laughs last...
        ... took a long time to get the joke.

The square of the hypotenuse is ...
        ...big.

To boldly go ...
        ...and split an infinitive.

There's no business ...
        ...following 16 years of Tory misrule. 
                                (slightly overpolitical???)

Don't hide your light...
        ... or you'll trip over on the way to the privvy in the night.

Don't die of ignorance...
        ...You can get treatment for it these days

Don't put your daughter on the stage...
        ... if they're doing a tap routine.

All's fair in...
        ...the hairdresser with bleach.