The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 1 Sep 1996 18:28:42 +0100
Hiya Loonies... This one's from Alan... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ *****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Star Wars vs. Star Trek? Star Wars Star Trek ---- ---- ---- ---- Takes place long ago, in a Takes place in the future, in galaxy far, far away. a galaxy very near. Lots of sequels. More on Lots of sequels. More on the way, including spinoffs. the way, including spinoffs. Young hothead (Luke Skywalker) Young hothead (Wesley Crusher) matures and learns to use matures and learns that he has strange mental powers. strange mental powers. Humans run the galaxy. Humans run the galaxy. Aloof princess needs help. Aloof Betazoid offers help. Action toys sell well. Action toys sell poorly. Strange alien (Yoda) offers Strange alien (Spock) offers moral guidance. logical guidance. Annoying 'droid (C3PO) has Annoying android (Data) has a stupid name, talks funny, a stupid name, talks funny, walks funny, and gets walks funny, and gets partially disassembled from partially disassembled from time to time. time to time. You've got a good chance You've got a good chance of being killed off if of being killed off if you're wearing a Storm you're wearing a red Trooper uniform. shirt. Frequent explosions in Frequent explosions in vacuum violate laws of vacuum violate laws of physics. physics. Darth Vader is actually Dr. Crusher is actually Luke's father, and Princess Wesley's mother. Leia is actually Luke's sister. Well, duh. Cute ewoks cause problems, Cute tribbles cause problems, then turn out to be helpful then turn out to be helpful in the end. They also in the end. They also provide some comic relief. provide some comic relief. Major characters get killed Major characters get killed sometimes but come back occasionally but come back later as benevolent ghostly later as special guest appearances. appearances. Without the special effects, Without the special effects, would have five minutes of would have five minutes of screen time. screen time. Hotheaded pilot (Han Solo) Hotheaded pilot (Tom Paris) has been in trouble with has been in trouble with the authorities. the authorities. Evil beings who want to Evil beings who want to take over the galaxy live take over the galaxy live in a city-sized spherical in a city-sized cubical spacecraft. spacecraft. Space warp will get you there, Space warp will get you there, unless it's broken. unless it's broken. Never let the laws of Never let the laws of physics spoil a good plot. physics spoil a good plot. Aliens eat strange food, Aliens eat strange food, and speak strange languages. and speak good English. Nobody wears a space suit. Nobody wears a space suit. Everything gets solved in Everything gets solved in the last few minutes. the last few minutes. Space weapons look cool. Space weapons look cool. Large furry alien (Chewbacca) Large furry alien (Worf) speaks a strange language speaks a strange language but still understands but still understands English. He is always English. He is always gruff but helpful. gruff but helpful. In the end, you can win if In the end, you can win if you turn off your high- you turn on your high- tech gadgets and use tech gadgets and use the Force when it's needed. force when it's needed.