Star Wars vs. Star Trek...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sun, 1 Sep 1996 18:28:42 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

This one's from Alan...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Star Wars vs. Star Trek?

      Star Wars                         Star Trek
      ---- ----                         ---- ----
Takes place long ago, in a      Takes place in the future, in
galaxy far, far away.           a galaxy very near.

Lots of sequels. More on        Lots of sequels. More on
the way, including spinoffs.    the way, including spinoffs.

Young hothead (Luke Skywalker)  Young hothead (Wesley Crusher)
matures and learns to use       matures and learns that he has
strange mental powers.          strange mental powers.

Humans run the galaxy.          Humans run the galaxy.

Aloof princess needs help.      Aloof Betazoid offers help.

Action toys sell well.          Action toys sell poorly.

Strange alien (Yoda) offers     Strange alien (Spock) offers
moral guidance.                 logical guidance.

Annoying 'droid (C3PO) has      Annoying android (Data) has
a stupid name, talks funny,     a stupid name, talks funny,
walks funny, and gets           walks funny, and gets
partially disassembled from     partially disassembled from
time to time.                   time to time.

You've got a good chance        You've got a good chance
of being killed off if          of being killed off if
you're wearing a Storm          you're wearing a red
Trooper uniform.                shirt.

Frequent explosions in          Frequent explosions in
vacuum violate laws of          vacuum violate laws of
physics.                        physics.

Darth Vader is actually         Dr. Crusher is actually
Luke's father, and Princess     Wesley's mother.
Leia is actually Luke's
sister.                         Well, duh.

Cute ewoks cause problems,      Cute tribbles cause problems,
then turn out to be helpful     then turn out to be helpful
in the end. They also           in the end. They also
provide some comic relief.      provide some comic relief.

Major characters get killed     Major characters get killed
sometimes but come back         occasionally but come back
later as benevolent ghostly     later as special guest
appearances.                    appearances.

Without the special effects,    Without the special effects,
would have five minutes of      would have five minutes of
screen time.                    screen time.

Hotheaded pilot (Han Solo)      Hotheaded pilot (Tom Paris)
has been in trouble with        has been in trouble with
the authorities.                the authorities.

Evil beings who want to         Evil beings who want to
take over the galaxy live       take over the galaxy live
in a city-sized spherical       in a city-sized cubical
spacecraft.                     spacecraft.

Space warp will get you there,  Space warp will get you there,
unless it's broken.             unless it's broken.

Never let the laws of           Never let the laws of
physics spoil a good plot.      physics spoil a good plot.

Aliens eat strange food,        Aliens eat strange food,
and speak strange languages.    and speak good English.

Nobody wears a space suit.      Nobody wears a space suit.

Everything gets solved in       Everything gets solved in
the last few minutes.           the last few minutes.

Space weapons look cool.        Space weapons look cool.

Large furry alien (Chewbacca)   Large furry alien (Worf)
speaks a strange language       speaks a strange language
but still understands           but still understands
English. He is always           English. He is always
gruff but helpful.              gruff but helpful.

In the end, you can win if      In the end, you can win if
you turn off your high-         you turn on your high-
tech gadgets and use            tech gadgets and use
the Force when it's needed.     force when it's needed.