The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 1 Sep 1996 18:28:29 +0100
Hiya All...
Learn to interpret business sales talk with this useful guide...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Sales are.....
=====================================================
Line 1: Sales are precisely as forecast.
Meaning: We thought they'd be low and they are.
Line 2: Sales are better than predicted.
Meaning: Some plonker's actually bought one.
Line 3: We're confident of volume sales taking off as promotion
mounts.
Meaning: Someone forgot to launch the product.
Line 4: Demand is constant at the moment.
Meaning: A second plonker keeps phoning to ask if the price has
come down.
Line 5: Production levels are just about keeping up with sales
at the moment.
Meaning: When workers come back after this flu epidemic we'll
have to start laying people off.
Line 6: We may need to take on extra staff if demand continues
at this level.
Meaning: Personnel may need a hand to work out redundancy terms.
Line 7: Sales have really taken off.
Meaning: That first plonker bought another one.
Line 8: Sales targets in some key regions are being bettered by
up to 300%.
Meaning: We struck a deal with that first plonker and he wrote
personal recommendations to all his friends and
relatives on Skye and the Isle of Man.
Line 9: These sales figures exceed any previously recorded by
this organisation.
Meaning: We don't think the previous lot kept any records, if so,
we can't find them.
Line 10: Advance indications for the next quarter are already
proving very encouraging.
Meaning: Please don't ask for this quarter's statistics.