Sales Talk...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sun, 1 Sep 1996 18:28:29 +0100


Hiya All...

Learn to interpret business sales talk with this useful guide...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
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*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Sales are.....

=====================================================
Line 1:         Sales are precisely as forecast.
Meaning:        We thought they'd be low and they are.

Line 2:         Sales are better than predicted.
Meaning:        Some plonker's actually bought one.

Line 3:         We're confident of volume sales taking off as promotion
                mounts.
Meaning:        Someone forgot to launch the product.

Line 4:         Demand is constant at the moment.
Meaning:        A second plonker keeps phoning to ask if the price has
                come down.

Line 5:         Production levels are just about keeping up with sales 
                at the moment.
Meaning:        When workers come back after this flu epidemic we'll 
                have to start laying people off.

Line 6:         We may need to take on extra staff if demand continues 
                at this level.
Meaning:        Personnel may need a hand to work out redundancy terms.

Line 7:         Sales have really taken off.
Meaning:        That first plonker bought another one.

Line 8:         Sales targets in some key regions are being bettered by
                up to 300%.
Meaning:        We struck a deal with that first plonker and he wrote
                personal recommendations to all his friends and 
                relatives on Skye and the Isle of Man.

Line 9:         These sales figures exceed any previously recorded by 
                this organisation.
Meaning:        We don't think the previous lot kept any records, if so,
                we can't find them.

Line 10:        Advance indications for the next quarter are already
                proving very encouraging.
Meaning:        Please don't ask for this quarter's statistics.