The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 1 Sep 1996 18:28:29 +0100
Hiya All... Learn to interpret business sales talk with this useful guide... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ *****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Sales are..... ===================================================== Line 1: Sales are precisely as forecast. Meaning: We thought they'd be low and they are. Line 2: Sales are better than predicted. Meaning: Some plonker's actually bought one. Line 3: We're confident of volume sales taking off as promotion mounts. Meaning: Someone forgot to launch the product. Line 4: Demand is constant at the moment. Meaning: A second plonker keeps phoning to ask if the price has come down. Line 5: Production levels are just about keeping up with sales at the moment. Meaning: When workers come back after this flu epidemic we'll have to start laying people off. Line 6: We may need to take on extra staff if demand continues at this level. Meaning: Personnel may need a hand to work out redundancy terms. Line 7: Sales have really taken off. Meaning: That first plonker bought another one. Line 8: Sales targets in some key regions are being bettered by up to 300%. Meaning: We struck a deal with that first plonker and he wrote personal recommendations to all his friends and relatives on Skye and the Isle of Man. Line 9: These sales figures exceed any previously recorded by this organisation. Meaning: We don't think the previous lot kept any records, if so, we can't find them. Line 10: Advance indications for the next quarter are already proving very encouraging. Meaning: Please don't ask for this quarter's statistics.