The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sat, 19 Oct 1996 21:54:56 +0100
Hiya Folks...
This one's from Alan...are you a child of the 80s...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
You're a Child of the 80's if.....
- You have deep, personal relationships via computers with people
you've never met in real life.
- The phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust
traffic ticket or playing tennis.
- You know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.
- Not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates
your attention.
- You remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form,
thankyouverymuch.
- You think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade, and people's
sexual orientation.
- The Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.
- You remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it
was called "Battlestar Galactica".
- Songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.
- Three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound
familiar?
- You remember the days that hooking your computer into your
television wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it
was the ONLY WAY to use your computer!
- You remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone
for the weekend".
- You remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV.
- You ever owned a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - That handy little
combination of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on
the open market.
- A predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid".
- You're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's,
pissed that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too
much time doing stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and
still have no clue what the 90's are all about.
- You see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those
childhood photos, and they still look bad.
- While in high school, you and all your friends discussed
elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century
and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.
- You remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really
was.
- One of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was
to Robert Smith of the Cure - "What WAS that head on the door
thing anyway?"
- You were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion, and
yet, when someone mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you
think of is "Oliver Stone".
- You, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to
"It's the end of the world as we know it".
- You can't remember when the word "networking" didn't have a
computer connotation to it as well.
- You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You
rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars
behind you.
- You knew all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the
Fire", but it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about
the third verse.
- You've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant
slut".
- You watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're
older, you really understand that it would have been much better
had you known about drugs at the time.
- You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the
following phases:
- "When I was younger"
- "When I was your age"
- "You know, back when..."
- "Because I SAID so, that's why"
- "What the HELL is this noise on the radio?"
- "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"
- You can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T
involve 49,000 selections to choose from.
- Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned
the English language.
- Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to
piss you off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am".
- You're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD
thing, and you're ready to marry the next person who cards you
when you want to buy cigarettes.
- Flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential
election, and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs,
you really wanted to vote for Gary Hart.
- The first time you heard the candidates names, you were pumped
because you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President,
not this Jesse character.
- You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran
Duran, Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video.
- At one point during your teenage years, you walked with a
noticeable tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings
on that arm.
- "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs
when you first heard it at a school dance.
- The first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during
"Crazy for You" by Madonna.
- There were at least three people in your school that voluntarily
went by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter".
- You ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons.
- You used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold
chains on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that
Mr. T made millions seemed rational to you at the time.
- You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit
the streets and made your old Big Wheel quite obsolete.
- The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.
- You read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal
Kombat just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong
again for old time's sake.
- You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could
ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
- You ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot
Maximillian from the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those
blender attachments he had for hands.
- You were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight
man with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of
his clothes and talked strangely.
- (Guys) Your first wet dream occurred to thoughts of Jeannie,
Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for those hardcore
comic fans out there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any one
of her Pussycats.
- (Girls) You thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", lusted after
"Ted, your ship's photographer" on the Love Boat and Chachi, or,
to keep it fair to the comically interested, thought Fred was
just a hunk on Scooby Doo.
- You're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st
birthday party.
- You've ever said "I'm a vegetarian" and immediately had someone
call you a hypocrite by saying "Nice leather jacket you have
there...and gee, is that a suede bag...those shoes leather, too?"
- You're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all,
and it's those people over 40 you have to look out for.
- You freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 -
50" age category on most questionnaires.
- You have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be
socially inappropriate for you to date due to their age.
- Your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something
which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting".
- This timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life:
Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the
creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in
early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special
effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of
every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters
...you are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess
Leia's breasts or Han Solo's butt. You fantasize forever and ever
about it, and send off to join every fan club for them on the planet,
hanging posters, photos, and "teen"-type magazine spreads all over
your walls and lockers at school.
- You remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't rot
your teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's won't
give you AIDS..."
- You've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in
the last five years, okay?
- You can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores"
didn't mean going to an electrical warehouse.
- You're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU)
that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be
such a bad idea after all.
- You're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your
major degree.
- You won't walk into the place where you once knew every
bartender on a first name basis because "there's too many kids there".
- Going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods
when the cops show up.
- You want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back
hurts, sorry.
- You're starting to think that Corvettes really look good, and
aren't REALLY for guys going through a mid-life crisis and
worried about their penis. That's not YOU.
- You're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel,
not just from parents, but now from friends that are married.
- You've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of
bed, not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just
hurt to do so.
- You're finding that you just don't understand more than half the
lingo used on MTV any more.
- (Mostly guys on this one) Sex is still as much fun as it used to
be, and you're still really interested in it, but you just want
to make sure there's nothing really good on cable that you'd be
missing first.
- You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.
- U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now.
- You ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation.
- When someone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy
Days theme is stuck in your head for hours on end.
- You remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from
the first scene.
- You ever used the phrase "don't make me angry...you wouldn't
LIKE me when I'm angry" when trying to frighten someone off.
- You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman
or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man.
- You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General
Hospital).
- You remember "Hey, let's be careful out there".
- Your parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you
decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes, anyway.
- You know who shot J.R.
- This rings a bell: "...and my name is Charlie. They work for me."
- You sassed your mom or dad with the phrase: "Whatcho talkin'
'bout, Willis?"