The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 11 Nov 1996 15:55:58 +0000
Hiya People...
I think this is just as relevant in the UK as in the US...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Secretary of Agriculture
Washington DC
Dear Mr Secretary,
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a thousand dollar
government check for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not
raising hogs" business.
What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm
not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I
want to be sure that I approach this endeavour in keeping with all
governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks but if
this is not a good breed not to raise, then I would just as gladly not
raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this
program will be keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't
raised.
My friend, Peterson, is very pleased about the future of the business.
He has been raising hogs for twenty years and the best he ever made on
them was four hundred and fifty dollars in 1968 until this when he got
your check for not raising any.
If I get one thousand dollars for not raising fifty hogs, will I get two
thousand dollars for not raising one hundred hogs? I plan to operate on
a small scale at first, holding myself down to about four thousand hogs
not raised which will mean about eighty thousand dollars the first year.
Now, another thing: These hogs I will not raise will not eat ten
thousand dollars bushels of corn. Will I qualify for payments for not
raising any wheat not to feed the four thousand hogs I am not going to
raise? I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems like a
good time of the year not to raise hogs or grain.
Also, I am considering the "not milking the cows" business so please
send me information on that, too. In view of these circumstances, I will
be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment benefits and
food stamps.
Patriotically Yours
I M Cheap