Scorecard for men...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 24 Dec 1996 06:09:34 +0000


Hiya All...

Here's a scorecard for men...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Below are excerpts about how guys can score points (or lose them) from
their gals from "The Game of Romance: How to Keep Score"  from Men's
Health Magazine, November, 1996, p 110-115, along with some things that
are just expected of guys, therefore having a score of zero: 

        
     Simple Duties 
     ------------- 
     You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners          
     with wings: +5 
     But return with beer:  -5 
     You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0 
     You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0  
     You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5  
     You pummel it with a six iron: +10 
     It's her father:  -10 
        
     Social Engagements 
     ------------------ 
     You stay by her side the entire party: 0 
     You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a  
      college drinking buddy:  -2 
     Named Tiffany:  -4 
     Tiffany is a dancer:  -6  
     Tiffany has implants:  -8  
      
     Saturday Afternoons 
     ------------------- 
     You visit her parents: +1 
     You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3  
     You visit her parents and stare at the television: -3  
     And the television is off:  -6 
     You spend the afternoon watching college football in your  
      underwear:  -6 
     And you didn't even go to college: -10  
     And it's not really your underwear: -15  
 
     Her Birthday 
     ------------ 
     You take her out to dinner: 0 
     You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1          
     Okay, it is a sports bar:  -2 
     And it's all-you-can-eat night:  -3 
     It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face       
      is painted  the colors of your favorite team: -10 
     You give her a gift:  0 
     You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10 
     You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1          
     You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2 
     You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months:+30          
     You wait til the last minute and buy her a gift that day:-10          
     With her credit card: -30 
     And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40  
 
     Thoughtfulness 
     -------------- 
     You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25          
     Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35 
     And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50  
 
     A Night Out with Your Pals         
     --------------------------         
     You have a few beers: -9 
     For every beer after three,  -2 again          
     And miss curfew by an hour:   -12 
     You get home at 3 a.m.:  -20 
     You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap          
      cigars: -30 
     And not wearing any pants:  -40       
     Is that a tattoo? -200 
 
     A Night Out, Just The Two of You          
     --------------------------------          
     You go see a comic:  +2 
     He's crude and sexist:  -2          
     You laugh: -5 
     You laugh too much:  -10          
     She's not laughing: -15 
     You laugh harder:  -25 
 
     Driving 
     ------- 
     You lose the directions on a trip:  -4 
     You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10         
     You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15 
     You get lost in a bad part of town & meet the locals up          
      close & personal:  -25 
     She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60  
 
     Communication 
     ------------- 
     When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, 
      displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0       
     When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5       
     You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the           
      television or picking up a newspaper: +10 
     She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10