FeMail...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 24 Dec 1996 06:10:03 +0000


Hiya Loonies...

Here's a new piece of software to look into...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


                      Introducing FeMail!


This new product will reduce your communications needs considerably. 
Its intuitive interactions will often leave you scratching your head
in wonder.  From your minimal communications with this package, it
will quickly presume who your friends are (and even what their habits
are), who you should be communicating with in order to advance your
career, and let you know continually whether you are communicating
effectively with the FeMail itself.

You may find that FeMail reduces your unnecessary communications with
friends and associates.  Your FeMail will intercept incoming
communications from all sources and make a determination as to whether
or not they should be relayed to you.  The FeMail is especially
thorough when examining messages from other FeMail systems.   These
messages will be examined for intent as well as content.

Messages that are received from other Mails will be scanned for
intention by your FeMail.  Any messages that will reduce your
productivity at home or at the office (invitations to bars or parties,
where the FeMail may lose contact with you for more than two hours for
example) will be delivered to you only after they can no longer be
acted upon.  A true productivity increase is then possible, and your
FeMail will even help you decide how to use this spare time to attend
to maintenance issues.

In fact, you may find that the FeMail methods are far beyond your
comprehension.  Often times the FeMail responses you receive will be
180 degrees different than the direction you thought you were heading.
In every case though, you will be compelled to agree with the decisions
that your FeMail makes.  Most areas where a FeMail is installed find
that agreeing with the FeMail is easier than attempting to justify
opposinglogic.

The FeMail package includes modules for Cognitive Interpretation,
Intuition, Presumptions, Innuendos (even some you may not realize),
Inflection, and Encryption.  (The encryption package is particularly
effective, allowing other mails absolutely no chance of interpreting
interchanges between two FeMails).

You will find yourself becoming dependent on the interactions that a
FeMail makes possible.  Once the FeMail begins working in your daily
activities, you may find yourself changing certain actions to avoid
conflicting with the FeMail suggestions.

The FeMail is extremely comprehensive, and provides only for a single
user interface in most cases.  The instructions included with your
FeMail indicates that it may interact openly with other Mails in a
conversational mode, but that you should never interact with someone
else's FeMail, even in a conversational mode, and most certainly not
in an interactive mode.  The FeMail communications links have
demonstrated an ability to intuit these actions even if you believe
your FeMail would be unaware of the interaction.  Continued
interaction with FeMails that are not your own will be considered a
security violation, and you may find yourself cutoff from interaction
with your own FeMail.

Because of the complexity and high-level of interface required, there
are certain times (based roughly on a lunar month) when your FeMail
system may behave erratically.  During this particular cycle, your
interactions with the FeMail should be monitored closely, and
offensive or interpretive language removed.  The FeMail may
misinterpret even simple communications efforts during this short
time.  This is an unavoidable problem that the FeMail has endured
since its inception, and we are still attempting to overcome this
minor glitch.

Should a misinterpretation occur, your FeMail will store the data
indefinitely, and only recall the misinterpretation when it can
loosely associate it with other facts not necessarily related to the
communications process.  You will find these recollections and
associations puzzling, but they all contribute to the operation of
the FeMail system.

Obtain Femail today, and you will be surprised at the changes it will
make in your life!!!!