The Loony Bin
(
andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
19 Mar 1998 01:22:10 -0000
This Message Is Sponsored By: ListBot Get a free mailing list for your web site! Visit http://www.listbot.com/ today. Hiya All... For those Loonies who regularly visit the archives, and have been complaining that the search facility has been broken, it has now been fixed and seems to be working fine now... Here's a different perspective of those folks at support... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- A Week at the Computer Helpdesk, the REAL story... Monday 8:05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let the people vote and drive, too? 8:12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, Well, it works for me. Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8:14am User from 8:05 call said they received error message Error accessing Drive 0. Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11:00am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she thinking? The Myst and Doom nationals are this weekend! 11:34am Another user calls (do they ever learn?). Says they want ACL changed on HR performance review database so that nobody but HR can access database. Tell them no problem. Hang up. Change ACL. Add @MailSend so performance reviews are sent to */US. 12:00pm Lunch 3:30pm Return from lunch. 3:55pm Wake up from nap. Bad dream makes me cranky. Bounce servers for no reason. Return to napping. 4:23pm Yet another user calls. Wants to know how to change fonts on form. Ask them what chip set they're using. Tell them to call back when they find out. 4:55pm Decide to run "Create Save/Replication Conflicts" macro so next shift has something to do. Tuesday 8:30am Finish reading support log from last night. Sounded busy. Terrible time with Save/Replication conflicts. 9:00am Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on PhoneNotes SmartIcon. Love to, but kinda busy. Put something in the calendar database! I yell as I grab for the support lines, which have (mysteriously) lit up. Walks away grumbling. 9:35pm Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them they need form J-19R=9C9\\DARR\K1. Say they never heard of such a form. Tell them it's in the SPECIAL FORMS database. Say they never heard of such a database. Transfer them to janitorial closet in basement. 10:00am Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs new ID. Tell her I need employee number, department name, manager name, and marital status. Run @DbLookup against state parole board database, Centers for Disease Control database, and my Oprah Winfrey database. No hits. Tell her ID will be ready tonight. Drawing from the lessons learned in last week's Reengineering for Customer Partnership I offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment. 10:07am Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement. Offer to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch console while I grab a smoke. 1:00pm Return from smoking break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he transferred them to cafeteria lady. I like this guy. 1:05pm Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled floor tiles outside his office door. Stress to him importance of not running in computer room, even if I do yell Omigod -- Fire! 1:15pm Development Standards Committee calls and complains about umlauts in form names. Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will fix it. Hang up and run global search/replace using gaks. 1:20pm Mary Hairnet from cafeteria calls. Says she keeps getting calls for Notice Loads or NoLoad Goats, she's not sure, couldn't hear over industrial-grade blender. Tell her it was probably Lettuce Nodes. Maybe the food distributor with a new product? She thinks about it and hangs up. 2:00pm Legal secretary calls and says she lost password. Ask her to check in her purse, floor of car, and on bathroom counter. Tell her it probably fell out of back of machine. Suggest she put duct tape over all the airvents she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer to create new ID for her while she does that. 2:49pm Janitor comes back. Wants more lessons. I take off rest of day. Wednesday 8:30am Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on form. Tell them of course, they should have been checking Bitset, not chipset. Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up. 9:10am Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules 10:00am meeting with me. User calls and wants to talk to support manager about terrible help at support desk. Tell them manager about to go into meeting. Sometimes life hands you material... 10:00am Call Louie in janitorial services to cover for me. Go to support manager's office. He says he can't dismiss me but can suggest several lateral career moves. Most involve farm implements in third-world countries with moderate to heavy political turmoil. By and by, I ask if he's aware of new bug which takes full-text indexed random e-mail databases and puts all references to furry handcuffs and Bambi Boomer in Marketing on the corporate Web page. Meeting is adjourned as he reaches for keyboard, Web browser, and Tums. 10:30am Tell Louie he's doing great job. Offer to show him mainframe corporate PBX system sometime. 11:00am Lunch. 4:55pm Return from lunch. 5:00pm Shift change; Going home. ----------------------------------------------------------------- This message was sent via ListBot. To remove yourself from this list, please visit http://www.listbot.com/remove.html -----------------------------------------------------------------