The Loony Bin
(
andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
20 Mar 1998 01:25:00 -0000
This Message Is Sponsored By: ListBot Get a free mailing list for your web site! Visit http://www.listbot.com/ today. Hiya Folks... Here is the second part of the saga from the Helpdesk... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Thursday 8:00am New guy (Marvin) started today. "Nice plaids" I offer. Show him Server room, wiring closet, and technical library. Set him up with IBM PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both monochrome and color. 8:45am New guy's PC finishes booting up. Tell him I'll create new ID for him. Set minimum password length to 64. Go grab smoke. 9:30am Introduce Louie the custodian to Marvin. Nice plaids Louie comments. Is this guy great or what?! 11:00am Beat Louie in dominos game. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out of sleeves (Always have backups). User calls, says Accounting server is down. Untie Ethernet cable from radio antenna (better reception) and plug back into hub. Tell user to try again. Another happy customer! 11:55am Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: Whereas all new employees beginning on days ending in 'Y' shall enjoy all proper aspects with said corporation, said employee is obligated to provide substance and relief to senior technical analyst on shift. Marvin doubts. I point to Corporate Policy database (a fine piece of work, if I say so myself!). Remember, that's DOUBLE pepperoni and NO peppers! I yell to Marvin as he steps over open floor tile to get to exit door. 1:00pm Oooooh! Pizza makes me so sleepy... 4:30pm Wake from refreshing nap. Catch Marvin scanning want ads. 5:00pm Shift change. Flick HR's server off and on several times (just testing the On/Off button...). See ya tomorrow. Friday 8:00am Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server. Told them it worked fine before I left. 9:00am Marvin still not here. Decide I might start answering these calls myself. Unforward phones from Mailroom. 9:02am Yep. A user call. Users in Des Moines can't replicate. Me and the Oiuji board determine it's sunspots. Tell them to call telecommunications. 9:30am Good God, another user! They're like ants. Says he's in San Diego and can't replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it's sunspots, but with a two-hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the server back two hours. 10:17am Pensacola calls. Says they can't route mail to San Diego. Tell them to set server ahead three hours. 11:00am E-mail from corporate says for everybody to quit resetting the time on their servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to Milwaukee. 11:20am Finish @CoffeeMake macro. Put phone back on hook. 11:23am Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is. 11:25am Support manager stops by to say Marvin called in to quit. So hard to get good help... I respond. Support manager says he has appointment with orthopedic doctor this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on the weekly department head meeting for him. No problem! 11:30am Call Louie and tell him opportunity knocks and he's invited to a meeting this afternoon. Yeah, sure. You can bring your snuff I tell him. 12:00am Lunch. 1:00pm Start full backups on UNIX server. Route them to device NULL to make them fast. 1:03pm Full weekly backups done. Man, I love modern technology! 2:30pm Look in support manager's contact management database. Cancel 2:45pm appointment for him. He really should be at home resting, you know. 2:39pm New user calls. Says want to learn how to create a connection document. Tell them to run connection document utility CTRL-ALT-DEL. Says PC rebooted. Tell them to call microsupport. 2:50pm Support manager calls to say mixup at doctor's office means appointment cancelled. Says he's just going to go on home. Ask him if he's seen corporate Web page lately. 3:00pm Another (novice) user calls. Says periodic macro not working. Suggest they place @DeleteDocument at end of formula. Promise to send them document addendum which says so. 4:00pm Finish changing foreground color in all documents to white. Also set point size to 2 in help databases. 4:30pm User calls to say they can't see anything in documents. Tell them to go to view, do a Edit -- Select All, hit delete key, and then refresh. Promise to send them document addendum which says so. 4:45pm Another user calls. Says they can't read help documents. Tell them I'll fix it. Hang up. Change font to Wingdings. 4:58pm Plug coffee maker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not (too) much. 5:00pm Night shift shows up. Tell that the hub is acting funny and to have a good weekend. Cheers ----------------------------------------------------------------- This message was sent via ListBot. To remove yourself from this list, please visit http://www.listbot.com/remove.html -----------------------------------------------------------------