The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
7 May 1998 00:33:28 -0000
This message is sponsored by: SiteOwner.com The Ultimate Bookmark for Web Site Owners! Free tools for promoting and analyzing your site. http://www.siteowner.com/ Hiya Folks... Here are some airline stories...sent to us by Rob again... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Real stories from Flight Attendants apologising for rough transport on the airlines..... An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no," said the pilot, Ma'am, what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?" =========================================== >From a disgruntled Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 958, to San Jose. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." ============================================ United Airlines PA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touchdown." ===================================== About 9 or 10 years ago this happened on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: You could tell during the final that the Captain was really having to fight it, and after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" ================================== DEFINITION: Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet. Enjoy your flight....... ----------------------------------------------------------------- This message was sent via ListBot. To remove yourself from this list, please visit http://www.listbot.com/remove.html Get a free mailing list for your web site @ http://listbot.com/ -----------------------------------------------------------------