Unix Philosophy...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Fri, 20 Aug 1999 19:13:55 +0100


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya Loonies...

What would life be like if we all lived according to Unix Philosophy...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Last night, I dreamed that the Real World had adopted the "Unix
Philosophy."  

I went to a fast-food place for lunch. When I arrived, I found that the
menu had been taken down, and all the employees were standing in a line
behind the counter waiting for my orders. Each of them was smaller than
I remembered, there were more of them than I'd ever seen before, and
they had very strange names on their name tags.

I tried to give my order to the first employee, but he just said
something about a "syntax error." 

I tried another employee with no more luck. He just said "Eh?" no matter
what I told him.  

I had similar experiences with several other employees. (One employee
named "ed" didn't even say "Eh?," he just looked at me quizzically.)

Disgusted, I sought out the manager (at least it said "man" on his name
tag) and asked him for help. He told me that he didn't know anything
about "help," and to try somebody else with a strange name for more
information.  

The fellow with the strange name didn't know anything about "help"
either, but when I told him I just wanted to order he directed me to a
girl named "oe," who handled order entry. (He also told me about several
other employees I couldn't care less about, but at least I got the
information I needed.)  

I went to "oe" and when I got to the front of the queue she just smiled
at me. I smiled back. She just smiled some more.

Eventually, I realized that I shouldn't expect a prompt.

I asked for a hamburger. She didn't respond, but since she didn't say
"Eh?" I knew I'd done something right. We smiled at each other a little
while longer, then I told her I was finished with my order.

She directed me to the cashier, where I paid and received my order.

The hamburger was fine, but it was completely bare... not even a bun.

I went back to "oe" to complain, but she just said "Eh?" a lot.

I went to the manager and asked him about "oe." The manager explained to
me that "oe" had thousands of options, but if I wanted any of them I'd
have to know in advance what they were and exactly how to ask for them.  

He also told me about "vi," who would write down my order and let me
correct it before it was done, and how to hand the written order to
"oe."

"vi" had a nasty habit of not writing down my corrections unless I told
her that I was about to make a correction, but it was still easier than
dealing directly with "oe."  

By this time, I was really hungry, but I didn't have enough money to
order again, so I figured out how to redirect somebody else's order to
my plate. Security was pretty lax at that place.  

As I was walking out the door, I was snagged by a giant Net. I screamed
and woke up.


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