The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 24 May 2001 22:31:01 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ Hiya People... We get a lot of jokes about lawyers, but they too have their problems...they have to put up with their clients... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* *** *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- What the client says and what the client really means ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Blah, blah, blah... but I'm innocent = I'm guilty No comment = I'm guilty The Judge was bent = He didn't believe my lies / I didn't get my way The police stitched me up = I'm desperate and clutching at straws because they found me out The police keep stopping me for no reason = I snoop around housing estates at 3.00am looking for houses to burgle or = I drive like an ar*ehole with no seatbelt on I'm not saying anything until my solicitor gets here = I'm too thick to come up with a shallow and transparent excuse for myself I don't want a solicitor = I'm going to tell the truth Yes, I agree to abide by my bail conditions = No way, just let me out I need some methadone It's for personal use, I get it cheaper if I buy a load at once = I'm a drug dealer I bought it off some bloke in the pub = I know it's stolen but I'm not telling you He started it = I started it I was acting in self defence = I lost my temper and attacked him for no good reason I'll only be two minutes = I'm selective about what laws apply to me I was only doing 35 = I was doing at least 45 I have only had two pints = I've had five pints It was on amber = It was on red but I fancied my chances and I'm late for work I ran because I thought I was wanted = I have just abandoned a stolen car you haven't found yet or = I was tooled up to steal a car and needed to dump the gear out of sight I use the knife for work/fishing = I use it to mug old ladies I used the screwdriver to fix something earlier and forgot all about it = I've been caught looking for houses to screw I just found it stashed behind a bush (seriously) = I've just stolen it And finally I swear by almighty God to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth = I will recall and report the issue in a manner most favourable to myself and my cause Lawyer to Court; "and I am instructed that..." = No, I don't believe it either, but I am being paid for this. "My learned instructing solicitor" = the typist they sent to sit behind me. "With respect" = you are wrong "With great respect" = you are very wrong. "With the greatest respect" = you are barking mad. "Turning now to the spirit/policy of the legislation" = my client is bang to rights. "I hear what you say" = I do not believe a word of what you say. "Well, m'lord, those are my instructions" = I can't make it sound plausible and I'm no longer going to try. Just rule against me on this. Please include this information if you forward this joke: ********************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ********************************************************* Get PAID for the emails you already send and receive! http://www.mailround.com/ Referrer: andrea@bloodaxe.com ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com