Exam Answers...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Mon, 13 Jan 1997 20:11:47 +0000

Hiya Folks...

Here are some more of those answers given on tests by schoolkids...one
or two may be old ones, but most are new...

Wishes & Dreams...


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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.

The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.

To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out,
and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.

To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking

Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.

A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.

An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a
great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.

We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous
generation and study of rocks.

English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his

By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.

If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them

Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual
manufactures another individual by accident.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite
so often in the winter.

The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.

When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.

It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.

Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have
more convulsions.

For fainting:  rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her
arm above the hand instead.

For fractures:  to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and

For dog bite:  put the dog away for several days.  If he has not
recovered, then kill it.

For nosebleed:  put the nose much lower than the body.

For drowning:  climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artificial perspiration.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For head colds:  use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in
your throat.

For snakebites:  bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for

For asphyxiation:  apply artificial respiration until the patient is

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative
or negative.

Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and
west poles.

When water freezes you can walk on it.  That is what Christ did long ago
in wintertime.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.